Aloha Dump

Another year has passed by, not so quietly I might add, and this morning I begin to prepare my New Years tradition of making a pot of posole stew . My family indulges me by eating a small bowl of it but I usually end up eating the whole pot- they like posole better than black eyed peas so I can't complain too much. In retrospect, 2008 was a big year for not only me and my family but also for the United States. The election is probably the biggest news of the year although Israel starting a 'Bomb the shit out of Gaza' campaign right after Christmas is high on the list. As of today, they just killed a high ranking Hamas leader. Good, fuck Hamas. Getting back on track, I thought about researching and making a grand post about all the significant events that occured this year, for prosperity I suppose, but a quick Google search would save about 4 hours of work and I have posole to attend to. At the beginning of the year I was working 2 part time retail jobs and needless to say ...

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the glue on envelopes because I now use a wet towel with every envelope that needs sealing. Also, now I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program. I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish. I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish wit...