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December 29, 2010

The New Husband Store

Husband Store:
A store that sells new husbands has opened in  Toronto , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the  Husband Storeto find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1
 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2
 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3
 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4
 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5
 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop -dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6
 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The  second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

December 12, 2010

Yet another TSA post

I spent the first part of the morning sending out complaints to TSA- they actually make it very easy to do so and even categorize the complaints for you. Click HERE to send a complaint to a half awake scrub who randomly reviews the incoming emails.

I filled out 3 different forms, 2 complaints and 1 security issue. The first complaint was to voice my disdain for the way TSA Agents in Phoenix harassed a woman who tried to have her breast milk go through security without being x-rayed. I think it is stupid to think x-rays will damaged booby milk and make it unsafe for baby consumption, but TSA does make a provision in its security policies to do so. The PHX incident made headlines and is just another example of TSA bullying.

Here is the TSA security video of the woman who had already been in the glass cage for 8 minutes. In fact, when she received the tape there were significant portions missing.


Despicable.

My second complaint was directed at LAX and one TSA agent's unwillingness to listen to reason concerning my TSA Checkpoint Friendly backpack. Not one airport has challenged me after they see the label on the laptop section. I comply with the TSA regulations that state the laptop must be the only item on that side of the carry on, and i politely pointed this label out to the agent- after I had already gone through the x-ray and was waiting on the other side for my bag to come out. I had to go back through the x-ray and take my laptop of hte backpack while a pissy agent chastised me. I pointed to the label and she dismissed it saying that LAX requires all laptops must be in the trays as per TSA guidelines. I informed her this bag is TSA approved and showed her the label. I was "randomly" selected to receive additional screening. Go figure.

My third online web form was directed specifically to the security issues tab. I explained how I managed to make it through 3 security checkpoints, 2 in the same airport, with a 4" serrated knife while on my way to Europe a few years ago. I considered the incident isolated but a serious example of flawed security measures. A month ago I made it through security with a box cutter. Unbelievable. The scary part of this whole penetration is the item used to hide the weapons from x-ray. I mentioned this device in my email and asked TSA to contact me directly if they wanted to know what the item was. Let's see how long it takes them to reply, if at all.

I have probably screwed myself at an efficient security check and TSA, DoHS, FBI etc. are probably all running background checks on me. But I think it is important to point out (or throw in their faces) just how ineffective all these circus antics are in protecting us from terrorists and from ourselves. But I have blogged on this topic before.