Search My Blog

December 29, 2010

The New Husband Store

Husband Store:
A store that sells new husbands has opened in  Toronto , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increases as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the  Husband Storeto find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1
 - These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2
 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.'

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3
 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4
 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Good Looking and Help With Housework.

'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'
Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5
 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop -dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6
 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The  second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

December 12, 2010

Yet another TSA post

I spent the first part of the morning sending out complaints to TSA- they actually make it very easy to do so and even categorize the complaints for you. Click HERE to send a complaint to a half awake scrub who randomly reviews the incoming emails.

I filled out 3 different forms, 2 complaints and 1 security issue. The first complaint was to voice my disdain for the way TSA Agents in Phoenix harassed a woman who tried to have her breast milk go through security without being x-rayed. I think it is stupid to think x-rays will damaged booby milk and make it unsafe for baby consumption, but TSA does make a provision in its security policies to do so. The PHX incident made headlines and is just another example of TSA bullying.

Here is the TSA security video of the woman who had already been in the glass cage for 8 minutes. In fact, when she received the tape there were significant portions missing.


Despicable.

My second complaint was directed at LAX and one TSA agent's unwillingness to listen to reason concerning my TSA Checkpoint Friendly backpack. Not one airport has challenged me after they see the label on the laptop section. I comply with the TSA regulations that state the laptop must be the only item on that side of the carry on, and i politely pointed this label out to the agent- after I had already gone through the x-ray and was waiting on the other side for my bag to come out. I had to go back through the x-ray and take my laptop of hte backpack while a pissy agent chastised me. I pointed to the label and she dismissed it saying that LAX requires all laptops must be in the trays as per TSA guidelines. I informed her this bag is TSA approved and showed her the label. I was "randomly" selected to receive additional screening. Go figure.

My third online web form was directed specifically to the security issues tab. I explained how I managed to make it through 3 security checkpoints, 2 in the same airport, with a 4" serrated knife while on my way to Europe a few years ago. I considered the incident isolated but a serious example of flawed security measures. A month ago I made it through security with a box cutter. Unbelievable. The scary part of this whole penetration is the item used to hide the weapons from x-ray. I mentioned this device in my email and asked TSA to contact me directly if they wanted to know what the item was. Let's see how long it takes them to reply, if at all.

I have probably screwed myself at an efficient security check and TSA, DoHS, FBI etc. are probably all running background checks on me. But I think it is important to point out (or throw in their faces) just how ineffective all these circus antics are in protecting us from terrorists and from ourselves. But I have blogged on this topic before.

November 26, 2010

TSA Extra Safety Measures: Symbolism Over Substance

The Opt Out movement during the Thanksgiving Day travel was a bust, proving that people will give up a little personal freedom to get through a line quicker. There were no long lines because of people being maliciously compliant with the new TSA security measures, although TSA did flinch a little and shut down many scanners in large airports.
This looks staged to me but even if it is legit, I guarantee you the father of these two young girls will change his sign when he sees them getting felt up in front of everyone else in line with their shirts up and panties showing. But hey, he feels good now and that's all that matters. 


Personally, I think this whole TSA pat-down policy is a charade, a ruse to perpetuate the perception that the government cares about us when we travel and that these TSA Agents are protecting us from terrorist attacks. I do not discount that having agents and takin goff our shoes and jackets is a good deterrent, but patting down travelers is nonsense. This is where the scaredy cats (and good old fashioned fear mongers) will scream "But 9/11!! 9/11!!" in hopes that Jedi Mind Trick will continue to work on the weak minded. 


I have an issue with the TSA procedures because they just don't make sense regardless of the arguments by TSA or anyone else. 


Premise: Traditional metal detectors are necessary because they will find weapons and bombs made out of metal.
TSA Argument: The terrorists might try to sneak a weapon or bomb not made of metal. Traditional machines will not find these bombs or weapons.
Rebuttal: Use the chemical detection machines to find the bombs.
TSA "Yeah, but" response: Those traditional machines will not find a weapon shoved up someone's ass.
Logical retort: Will the new TSA X-Ray machines find a weapon or bomb shoved up someone's ass?
TSA Answer: No, they only X-Ray the surface of the skin.
Logical conclusion: It would be more effective for a terrorist to buy a bottle of Jack Daniel's at a Duty Free shop and bust it over an airline attendant's head and then set it on fire than to try to smuggle a bomb or a box cutter onto an airplane. It would also make sense for a terrorist to smuggle weapons/bombs in their asses because body cavity searches are not part of the screening and the machines won't pick them up. Prisoners smuggle stuff in their asses all the time, why wouldn't a terrorist.


Unsettling reality #1: Not one terrorist attempt been foiled at a TSA security checkpoint line.


CIA, FBI, Customs, Air Marshalls and NSA get the terrorists. Not TSA.


Even if you get to the checkpoint and call bullshit on all this TSA tomfoolery you cannot leave and take a train to Grandma's house. Evidently, when you purchase your ticket you give up your right to alternative transportation at must succumb to TSA procedures- or pay an $11,000 fine. 


According to a WorkTrends survey I fall into the Heavy Traveler category with 40-60% travel throughout the year. These new X-Ray machines are not tested to the same standard that medical x-ray equipment is tested. What is my risk? Celebrity pilot Chelsea Sullenburger has made the same complaint and is requesting that airline pilots be exempt from not only additional screening but screening altogether. But if pilots can bypass the extra measures then why not flight attendants since they fly just as much as the pilots? 


Here is a picture of the new x-ray technology (that has not been fully tested) at the Phoenix International Airport. Doesn't leave much to the imagination, does it? 






Unsettling reality #2: What is preventing a terrorist from becoming a pilot?


All the terrorist pilot has to do is get to the cockpit, get the gun that is inside, shoot the other pilot and thank Allah for the United States' crippling politically correctness and purely reactive response to terrorism.


I also don't fully buy the argument that this is making us safer. These illusionary checks only make people feel safer, and it is only the people who aren't getting the extra screening/groping who feel safer. How safe do you think the father of the boy who was forced to have a partial strip search in front of everyone felt?



Here is an interesting read by Penn Jillette of Penn & Teller comedy act. He went through the additional groping by a TSA agent and made a stink about. He even had a local policeman show up. Penn's argument was not an extreme request- he didn't argue the unconstitutionality of the search- he wanted to be asked permission before being groped. He might pursue legal action against the TSA agent for assault. I guess if you have a lot of disposable income you can afford to take up that fight. Most of us do not and cannot.


So far, the best practice TSA and Homeland Security has adopted that actually does something is the locked cockpit doors and the handgun present in the cockpit. Everything else is smoke and mirrors. In fact, the United States should adopt airline security checkpoint procedures from a country that has been dealing with it for more than 50 years- Israel
"Israelis, unlike Canadians and Americans, don't take s--- from anybody. When the security agency in Israel (the ISA) started to tighten security and we had to wait in line for — not for hours — but 30 or 40 minutes, all hell broke loose here. We said, 'We're not going to do this. You're going to find a way that will take care of security without touching the efficiency of the airport."
It doesn't take hours to get through security in Israel, only 30-40 minutes. Tops. IN fact, the first layer of security occurs at the entrnce to the airport itself- from the street! Yes, cars are stopped and the driver and passengers are asked only 2 questions- How are you and why are you here? Based on the reaction to these 2 seemingly innocent questions the procedure may go one of two ways: You are allowed to pass to the 2nd and 3rd levels of security or, you are pulled over and given the third degree, much like the secondary search in Tijuana. Oh, I forgot to mention, all security agents are trained  to look at the behaviors of the people.

Officers are looking for nervousness or other signs of "distress" — behavioural profiling. Sela rejects the argument that profiling is discriminatory.
"The word 'profiling' is a political invention by people who don't want to do security," he said. "To us, it doesn't matter if he's black, white, young or old. It's just his behaviour. So what kind of privacy am I really stepping on when I'm doing this?"

 Good question, however a huge storm of protesting will occur the second you try to initiate profiling in the United States. That's why the terrorists love to try and sneak through our airports- terrorists, little old ladies, children and the handicapped are all treated the same. Actually, people who fit th e profile of a terrorist- 18to30 year old male of Middle Eastern decent- are not profiled because they can scream human rights violations. So, TSA continues to screen grandma because it will be less of a hassle.


I know what comes next: "Yeah, but the underwear bomber didn't' fit that profile so profiling wouldn't have caught him. Ha!" True, friend of terrorists and hater of America, but neither would the new x-ray  or chemical detection machines. Properly trained agents, information sharing between CIA, FBI, HLS, Customs, NSA et al and profiling would have probably caught him, especially with a name like Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab. Yeah, yeah, I know what comes next, "Racist! You're a racist!!"


No, it isn't racism any more than giving blacks an extra thorough medical examination since they seem to be more susceptible to sickle cell anemia than other races. White skinned people are more likely to get skin cancer than other races. Is it wrong for a black doctor to give a more thorough exam to their white patients? Of course not, just as it is not sexist for doctors to recommend women over 40 to get routine breast exams and not their male patients. I would even take it one step further and suggest that if a KKK revolution started that the police and Feds concentrate of fat white guys and not Asians. Again, this is not racism- it is risk assessment.


But I stress that this profiling can only be successful with properly trained agents, like the agents used in Israeli airports and not like the sloppy TSA agents who caused a man's urostomy bag to leak all over the man's clothes- and then fly on an airplane smelling like Kevin Federline. There is no humility or respect in that. The sadder part of this story is that TSA agents do not have the training to spot a real terrorist.


Until they do, get to the airports early and expect to see grandma and little Johnny continue to receive pat downs while the Abdulmutallab's continue to skate around our security. 

November 14, 2010

Life in a Jar

I recently received an email chain from my Grandfather concerning a woman named Irena Sendler who died in May of 2008. She was a Polish Catholic woman who saved more than 2500 children from the Nazi death camps during WWII. In fact, Irena went door to door and talked women into giving up their infants because she knew the impending doom that awaited them. She is known as the Polish Oskar Schindler. The email is true and Irena's story can be found on the website Life in a Jar: The Irena Sendler Project. The jar will become clear after reading the email that has been circulating since June 2008.

There recently was a death of a 98 year-old lady named Irena. During WWII, Irena, got permission to work in the Warsaw ghetto, as a Plumbing/Sewer specialist. 
She had an 'ulterior motive'. 
She knew what the Nazi's plans were for the Jews (being German). Irena smuggled infants out in the bottom of the tool box she carried and she carried in the back of her truck a burlap sack, (for larger kids). 
She also had a dog in the back that she trained to bark when the Nazi soldiers let her in and out of the ghetto. The soldiers of course wanted nothing to do with the dog and the barking covered the kids/infants noises. During her time of doing this, she managed to smuggle out and save 2500 kids/infants. She was caught, and the Nazi's broke both her legs, arms and beat her severely. 
Irena kept a record of the names of all the kids she smuggled out and kept them in a glass jar, buried under a tree in her back yard. After the war, she tried to locate any parents that may have survived it and reunited the family. Most had been gassed.  Those kids she helped got placed into foster family homes or adopted. 
In 2007 Irena was up for the Nobel Peace Prize. She was not selected.
Al Gore won --- for a slide show on Global Warming.

 In all fairness, the names of NPP nominees are kept secret for 50 years. However, there must have been some buzz about her nomination becuase the International Federation of Social Workers issued a statement after the award was given to Algore. 




 

November 13, 2010

Unknown object flying near L.A.

A mysterious vapor trail was caught on tape Monday night by a CBS helicopter crew. This contrail was about 35 miles off the coast of Los Angeles and it has already dropped off the radar- no pun intended. Tuesday morning the FAA said there were no planes in the area. Military officials were stumped. Correction: they told us they did not know what it was, but that it looked like it came from the water. Take a look at this shot-


Really? The Pentagon doesn't know what this is? How about they know what it is but they don't know who shot it? I rode submarines for 20 years and I have seen many shots of submarine launched missiles- even from my own boat. This contrail looks very familiar to me. In fact, "military officials" told Fox News that they are confident the missile shot was not from a foreign military. How conveeeeeeeenient....

I am not a conspiracy theorist by any stretch but sometimes it is fun to dabble in the "What ifs". Hell, I have a zombie invasion action plan already in place just in case things go really bad. But let's take a look at concurrent world events, our economy and this missile shot in context and have some fun.

Here is a video produced by the Citizens Against Government Waste showing a futuristic look at a Chinese classroom where the professor is recounting great civilizations that all fell because fiscal irresponsibility. There is a bit of grand standing but this scenario is dangerously close to reality. There are subtitles and I would invite you to replay the video a second time but watch the video and not read them.



I like this segment because it points a bony finger at all administrations of this country since I have been alive- but the Obama administration is especially alarming for 2 reasons: Obama actually believes he can tax us into prosperity and people support him in this endeavorer. But this is a post for a different time.

Many countries have loaned the United States billions upon billions of dollars so that we can fund wars, defunct stimulus programs (Cash for Clunkers),and (sort of) pay grandma's pharmacy bill, etc.  
The total [public] debt has increased over $500 billion each year since fiscal year (FY) 2003, with increases of $1 trillion in FY2008, $1.9 trillion in FY2009, and $1.7 trillion in FY2010.[6]
Interesting that our debt has almost quadrupled since this administration took over. Not the change I was hoping for, and surprisingly people 1) support this criminal behavior that will destroy this county or, 2) don't care. I truly believe some people would rather the United States suffer a Red Dawn fate than to admit their guy sucks. Red Dawn- yes, I went there. Again, I do not want to t (too) sidetracked away from the business at hand.

So, China owns a buttload of our debt. in fact, our national debt is so large that we pay $450 billion a year just in interest. How would you like to have that credit card balance? Just the interest of our national debt increases our taxes by 40%. Can you imagine if we could get a handle on our debt and what that would do to our economy? It would lower taxes! Oh, wait, this administration is obscenely increasing our debt. Want to see something scary- US Debt Clock

But how long will China continue to bail out our auto and banking industries, or help this administration pay back all it's debt to the people who helped Obama win the 2008 election? It's like asking your parents to continually pay off your credit card bills while not doing anything to reduce the balance- in fact, you are making it worse by treating your friends to Hooter's every night and buying them designer clothes. Billary was in China last month begging the government to keep paying of four credit card bills.
To boost the economy, the U.S has to incur more debt, she said, shortly before departing for Washington. "It would not be in China's interest if we were unable to get our economy moving," Clinton said. "So by continuing to support American Treasury instruments, the Chinese are recognizing our interconnection. We are truly going to rise or fall together. We are in the same boat and, thankfully, we are rowing in the same direction.
 Reread the first sentence- We have to incur more debt to be prosperous! Is anyone even listening to this horse shit? Do people even care? Name one country that taxed itself into the Age of Aquarious and I'll kiss your ass on public television. Ok, I promise I am going somewhere with this. Remember the incident last year with a US Navy surveillance vessel (in international waters (supposedly)) being harassed by the Chinese? Tensions already suck between our countries and China has us by the balls- they know it and Obama knows it. Just look at this picture:



 In fact the United States backed down from China last month over a currency dispute:
Washington and the European Union accuse China -- set to become the world's second-largest economy after the United States this year -- of keeping the yuan artificially low to boost exports, undermining jobs and competitiveness in Western economies.
Wow, backing down to a foreign country (and probably apologizing) isn't like this administration at all.

The United States has declared that it will inject $600 billion into our debt to at least try and get an handle on the train wreck. That doesn't sit well with China as it will affect their stake in our debt. On his recent Asia tour, Obama skipped China and, among other things-
The president fell short in some of his goals on the trip. He failed to secure an agreement on concrete steps to rebalance the global economy at two-day summit of the Group of 20 nations in Seoul, and had to extend talks on securing a South Korean trade deal central to his goal of boosting U.S. exports.
That's funny. Obama went to lecture these countries on fiscal spending and tried to get them to listen to his plan on stimulating the world economy. That's like listening to the crazy homeless person yelling on the corner about how to invest your money.

Why all this talk about China, you ask? Let's recap:

  1. We owe them a buttload of money.
  2. We are screwing with their investments by trying to pay off our debt.
  3. They have us by the balls.
  4. Obama skipped China on his Asian tour.
  5. They have nuclear powered submarines.
Yes, #5 has everything to do with the unknown missile shot off the coast of L.A., especially in context with everything else. I think it was a clear message to Obama from the Chinese government to cut the crap. Remember, I am jut having fun.

China only has a few submarines that are capable of launching missiles and you can bet that we keep close tabs on their submarine movements via satellite and all that Hunt For Red October stuff. But what if we lost track of one or, better yet, the Chinese bought a quieter submarine from Russia? Russia is a corrupt mafia-run country that can't feed its own people. Their military might is sinking at the pier and what better way to feed the upper middle class than to sell off some of that old school technology to the highest bidder?

Of course the Pentagon is going to say this unknown contrail is not a threat to the United States. If they were to come out and say that it was a missile fired from a Chinese submarine as a message for the U.S. to leave China alone then all Asians would be beaten up and probably killed on the streets. Here is what I propose to any high ranking military personnel who are reading this blog- take some advice from Jim Malone, the mentor who instructed Elliott Ness how to take down Al Capone:
They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That’s the Chicago way! And that’s how you get Capone. Now do you want to do that? Are you ready to do that?

They shoot a missile near one of the United States' most populated cities, you send that submarine to the bottom of the ocean. They play around with the value of their currency to deflate ours, you pay them off with everything we have and drive their economy back to the stone age. Of course, this will never happen but I"m just having fun.

October 23, 2010

Terrorism close to home

It was quite a spectacle on Thursday as I watched a local mall ablaze. The Galleria Mall is a scant 5 miles away but the plume of black smoke was easily visible from my office window. I was surprised to hear that this fire made national news until I started reading/watching the coverage.

You can easily search for many articles and news clips about the fire but here is the short version.

The mall was deliberately set on fire by a mentally disturbed 23 year old black man named  Alexander Corney Piggee . He entered Game Stop wearing the uniform of a thug (a black hoodie) and carrying a backpack. He talked to the employee and then started a fire. The fire was initially  put out by sprinkler systems but firemen could not go in and investigate the area because of a potential bomb threat made by Piggee. It was unknown at the time if the initial fire was set by the homemade incendiary device or by other means. The firemen played it safe and let the police go in and look for Piggee's backpack that was identified by the Game Stop employee. By the time the robot was sent in to find the backpack, the smoldering fire flashed in the attic space of the mall where sprinklers cannot reach. Much of a section of the 1.5 million square foot mall was destroyed.


I started to get angry at the news coverage for a few reasons, the most obvious that some punk burned down one of the nicest malls in the area. He talked to the Game Stop employee, Dan Kellar, for a few minutes and told him that he was going to blow up the mall. To his credit, the employee tried to talk Piggee out of it and then ran like a Kennedy from a car accident when Piggee brandished a Bic. The employee claims he smelled a chemical, like kerosene, coming from the backpack. Piggee asked some strange questions during the banter and asked if the employee believed in God and had kids.


There were reports of Piggee having a gun but that was only after the Game Stop employee fled the store and grabbed Paul Blart to intervene. Piggee barricaded himself in the store, set a fire and ran out. He was apprehended by police and is being held under arson charges with no bail. 


What irritates me, from the beginning of this story, is that Kellar didn't do anything but talk to this psychopath. Don't get me wrong, unnecessarily risking one's life for a store full of merchandise that doesn't belong to you is stupid. However, it appears that there was plenty of opportunity for Kellar to blind side Piggee or to do something besides run away when Piggee finally pulled out something to substantiate the claim that he was a terrorist. I am appalled at Kellar's cowardice, but not surprised. Our society breeds cowards by the boat loads as social tolerance and diversity are rammed down our throats. They are the "Yeah, but..." crowd. I challenge you to search for this story and see how many news outlets report the race of Piggee. The Galleria Mall is in a well-to-do area (predominantly white) and I would imagine a black male wearing a hoodiee pull over his head set off a few internal alarms. Kellar was probably on high alert and seeing a lighter only accelerated the fight or flight reflex. But I digress...


There are stories of regular people performing heroic acts because they are sick of seeing our way of life decay because of the lack of an individual moral compass. A few immediately come to mind- Mark Bingham, the "Let's Roll hero on Flight 93 and, more recently, Fresno resident Victor Perez who cutoff a truck that matched an Amber Alert description. Because of Perez's selfless act an 8- year old girl was saved. In my opinion, Kellar could have joined these people. 


I was also irritated at the comments of people who condemned the firefighters for not charging into the mall, regardless of the unknown threat of a bomb, and saving the merchandise. My brother-in-law is a firefighter for El Dorado County and these comments hit close to home for me. What people forget is that firemen have lives, families, kids, homes, etc. also. You can easily add any civil servant in this category like the police, EMT, etc. But these people do not care about the personal element of these servants and some even believe it is firefighters duty to protect "stuff". I vehemently disagree- they protect human life, including their own and their fellow firemen, policemen, etc. Stuff is at the bottom of the list and anyone who puts it higher needs to have some priority setting counseling, along with a good horsewhipping.


Most of the interviews show people upset and sad- because they don't know what they are going to do for the holiday shopping season that is rapidly approaching. Reminds me of the Jim Carrey version of The Grinch when he gives a great monologue after running his finger down the side of a brand new car, leaving a nice loud and noticable scratch.

That's what it's all about, isn't it? That's what it's always been *about*. Gifts, gifts... gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts, gifts. You wanna know what happens to your gifts? They all come to me. In your garbage. You see what I'm saying? In your *garbage*. I could hang myself with all the bad Christmas neckties I found at the dump. And the avarice... 
[shouts
The Grinch: The avarice never ends! "I want golf clubs. I want diamonds. I want a pony so I can ride it twice, get bored and sell it to make glue." Look, I don't wanna make waves, but this *whole* Christmas season is 
[shouts
The Grinch: stupid, stupid, stupid! 
The interviews with Piggee paint him as a mentally disturbed victim of the system- kicked out of his home a few months ago, alone, desperate. Of course this act of arson came to a total shock to anyone who knew him. Piggee's mother kicked him out of the house because he was old enough to be on his own. This motherly act of kicking the bird out of the nest is admirable and necessary in life- but not when you r son has been to multiple hospitals for psychiatric evaluations! And now we enter into the victim realm of dodging personal responsibility as Piggee was abandoned by friends and family. I guess Obama's anti-bullying message was just a tad too late. Now the mother wonders if there was something she could have done to prevent this tragedy. Uh, duuuuuh!



Piggee is now under investigation for starting another fire at a Wal-Mart earlier that day. Nice.

October 10, 2010

Danica K. fumbles on the 1 yard line. No time-outs, 00:00 on the clock

I watched the trials and part of the Fontana Race yesterday. It was in southern California and the trials were, well, trials. When Danica Patrick, returning to NASCAR after moonlighting on the IndyCar circuit for a while, finished in the mid 30's everyone was swinging off her jock.

Patrick is not the first female NASCAR driver but it seems to me that she has been thrust into the forefront because of some semi sex appeal qualities. The local afternoon radio DJ's talk nonstop about her, but frankly, I don't see what the big deal is- unless she is using her looks to cover up her hideous racing record.  Case and point, the race yesterday where she qualified 13th, beating out 30 scrubs who should be embarrassed they were beaten by a girl. Not too bad, but then she blew it with only 9 laps to go.

Her loss falls into the category of "Rubbing is racing" and her crash is what I call getting "Dale Earnhardted". She wasn't paying attention and gave a little bump to James Buescher, who then Dale Earnharted her ass into a spin out, costing her a finish. Of course Buescher denied an intentional bump but Patrick did everything but call him out on it. 


Again, I don't see the big deal with Patrick. No NASCAR wins, no top tens, no poles. I find it interesting that she has more speeding tickets than wins. Here is a video of the crash, similar to the her first NASCAR crash in her very first NASCAR race. Of course the femi-Nazi's say it was intentional because the (predominantly male) sport just doesn't want to see a woman place- contrary to the ad campaign for Patrick. I call bullshit; if you can't play with the big boys then get off the track.


October 4, 2010

Burning down the house

My brother-in-law is a fireman and I can't wait to run this story by him. Imagine that your house is on fire, the fire department refuses to show up and when they do arrive, they put out your neighbors house and then leave- with your house still on fire. This isn't fiction, and it happened in a small town in Obion COunty Tennessee last weekend. I read about it on ThinkProgress.com as I was reading the hatred some people in this country have towards anyone who isn't a liberal.

There is more to this story however, and it wasn't very well laid out on TP. The county of Obion does not have a fire department, as voted on by its citizens many years ago. In exchange, they do not pay taxes on that service. Seems crazy, doesn't it? However, the city of South Fulton, just outside Obion County on the Kentucky border, offers fire protection services for a measly $75 a year. Gene Cranick and his wife Paulette declined the services, again, this year and as fate would have it their house caught fire.

The Cranicks called for help and the fire department in essence told them, "Sorry, not on the list." In fact, the fire was blazing out of control and caught a neighbors house on fire, who was on the list, and the firemen promptly showed up, put the fire out and promptly left. The Crankicks were pleading with the firemen to save their house and that they would pay anything.  Reporters asked the Fire Chief why they wouldn't save the house and he declined to comment. The mayor of South Fulton had this to say:
"Anybody that's not in the city of South Fulton, it's a service we offer, either they accept it or they don't," Mayor David Crocker said.
Mayor Crocker juxtaposed their fire protection with car insurance. You woulnd't expect an insurance company to pay for a car if the policy had lapsed and you shouldn't expect someone to put out your housefire if you didn't pay for the fire protection. I agree- sort of.

The Cranicks didn't pay and therefore forfeit fire protection. Why anyone in their right mind would pay a measly $75 a year is ridiculous but it is what the citizens of Obion County voted for. What really strikes at the core of the Cranicks decision not to pay is the reason why:
"I thought they'd come out and put it out, even if you hadn't paid your $75, but I was wrong," said Gene Cranick.
He believes he is entitled to the fire protection even though he doesn't want to pay for it. The reality is that it costs money to run a fire department and the $75 yearly fee helps the stations stay maintained and the crews trained. The Cranicks gambled and lost- everything.

However, I do beleive the Mayor and Fire Chief should allow for an on-the-spot payment just for these situations. If they do not want to make the yearly fee and a call is made for a fire response then the homeowner can pay- dearly. If you lose the gamble and your house catches on fire then you will pay a premium fee- $2000, $5000, whatever is decided on.

That seems a little more fair and a little less heartless.

October 2, 2010

Sorry about all that syphillis, Guatemala.

As the Obama administration continues its World Apology Tour 08-12, Secretary of State Clin-ton formally apologized to the Guatemalan people for human STD experiments that were carried out in 1946. For two years, and with the approval of the Guatemalan government, the U.S. intentionally infected people by offering some sexy time with infected prostitutes. Since it is almost impossible to get men to have consensual sex with prostitutes, these pioneers of disease control decided to send the prostitutes to sexually depraved men in prison and in mental health institutions. What better way to conduct a controlled study!

Kathleen Sebelius, the Health and Human Services Secretary, joined in and issued a formal apology to the Central American nation and to Guatemalan residents of the United States. The Guatemalan government was not available for immediate comment, however a former Guatemalan inmate known only as Agador had this to say:
"Even though we were intentionally infected it was one helluva experiment. Lots of bareback sex followed up by a few shots of penicillin or whatever else they were testing. Of course some guys weren't so lucky. Note to self: you cannot treat ghonnorea with penile subcutaneous habanero pepper injections."
Sebelious happened to stumbled on to the experiment while trying to one-up long time rival Susan Reverby, famous for outing a joint Guatemalan-US study called the "Tuskegee Experiment". 
I was looking through some old files that Reverby used to expose the Tuskegee Experiment so that I could post some disparaging remarks on her Facebook page", said Sebelious.
Instead of trying to knock Reverby down a notch, Sebelious decided to go to President Obama who cut Sebelious off in mid sentence and asked her to go with Clin-ton and apoligize. He also suggested that they mention it was probably Bush's fault. Alhtough Clin-ton and Sebelious managed to aplogize, the blame-Bush statement was inadvertantly left out because Sebelious was star struck.
"I used to watch the Crypt Keeper when I was younger and Secretary of State Clin-ton is the best Crypt Keeper impersonator I've ever seen. I just got caught up." 


September 29, 2010

Blind Followers

Here is an excerpt from a Facebook conversation concerning the Matt Lauer's Sept. 27th interview with Obama. A friend of mine was concerned about her toddler's education following the interview- and rightly so. Here is a truncated segment of her post (name have been reduced to intitials) that highlights her posts (CC), my responses (TK) and a friend of hers (ML) who decided to chime in. Authors comments are in italics.

CC: Just watched Matt Lauer's interview with President Obama on education. Makes me (remember, I'm a high school teacher) want to home school Collin, as I simply can't trust public schools to educate my child through the years.

Sorry for the negativity! But you should watch the interview and decide for yourself.

ML: The public school system has been in trouble for a long time. This isn't someting new.

Thank you for that insightful observation, Captain Obvious.

CC: ML - I haven't been a parent and a professional educator for a long time, now that I understand what is at stake, I can make decisions for whats best and/or feasible for my son.

ML: I'd rather not get into political debates.

Remember this comment.
TK: This problem isn't limited to a political party. Both sides share the blame. Even if the schools had surplus money there would still be problems. The system sucks.

CC: I was mostly surprised when he was saying that he's expanding the teacher workforce and wanting to increase the school year by a month, but teachers are continuously getting laid off (or being asked' to retire) and states are enforcing furloughs... It doesnt make sense!

TK: It doesn't have to make sense. Obama is going to tax us into prosperity.

Casting out the bait.
ML: The damage Cheney did in 8 years is why we're in the crap we're in today.

Bam- hook line and sinker! He opened his Obama handbook to page 1: "No matter what happens, it's all Bush's fault, it has been, and it will be."
TK: For not wanting to get into a political debate you opened one up for that broad stroked remark. Although Bush/Cheney's ill-planned and poorly executed war cost us billions, Obama has greatly contributed to that debt in his short time with programs that were failed from the start, further sinking us into debt.

Again, it is very convenient to pin this on one administration- but it is not accurate.

ML: That's right, I can't stay quiet when I disagree with certain things, basically everyone in Orange County complains non stop about Obama.

Orange County population: 3,010,759
People that compalin about Obama: 3,010,758
People who don't: 1
Obama is trying to fix the problem, but the republicans have no patience. I took 8 years to get us into this mess, so it's gonna take more than 2 years to fix it.

TK: That is an empty argument. What programs have really helped reduce our debt, stimulate the economy and bring jobs back? Who would thought that the
Cash for Clunker program would help anyone? Obama did.

This next sentence is the coup de gras for ML "2 year" argument. Unfortunately, it goes right over his head. 

It doesn't matter how long it took to get into this mess if the policies we are using now to get us out are doomed from the start. The sooner people can realize that and stop swinging off Obama's bag the better off we'll be.

ML: Nobody complained when Reagan raised taxes or when the first Bush said "read my lips, no new taxes" and then raised them anyway.....where were the complainers then?

This is good. Make something up, believe it and then treat it as fact (Obama handbook). I don't even know why this guy is talking about Reagan- ML graduated high school im 1997 making him about 3 or 4 years old when Reagan was succeeded by Clinton. I let that one slide.It does matter what happened the 8 years under the Bush Administration cause that's why it's taking Obama a while to fix it.



He didn't read my previous post. It doesn't matter how much debt was accrued if the processes by which we are trying to reduce that debt are failing.

People fail to see that. I also like what Obama is doing with the education reform cause the U.S. falls way behind other countries which is sad to me.

Another piece of trivia about ML: He is unemployed and has a degree in French. Yes, French. I am glad that he is sad about the poor education Americans are getting. I am not sure if he just proved his own point.
CC: Lol. Awesome. Keep at it you two, I'm entertained!

Anyways, my post was simply to raise awareness on the state of our current education system now that im in a position to truly care. I didn't say Obama isn't 'trying' I just don't see how those ideas are going to develop in the current system that is in place.

CC gets it.

States are already breaking federal mandates by being in session for less days
than required, but can't do anything about it because the schools have no money to stay open. That's not even including the federal academic content standards that they want to create and implement.

Great points! Well thought out, articulate and valid.
They're all fantastic ideas, but how is he going to put them in place? How are the schools going to accommodate it? I just don't see it happening.. Hence my decision to try to homeschool if I don't have to work.

She is forcing the Obama supporters to nut up or shut up.
TK: Short answer, CC, is that they won't work. Simply extending the shcool year a month but keeping the same infrastructure will result in just one more month of furlough days for the teachers.

Another example of the defunct leadership of this administration.
(Fanning the flames)

ML: My comments are NOT asinine.... Obama has to do that in order to get things back in order.

Bingo! He revealed the Obama Administration's hidden agenda- to get us all in order. Next comes a play from page 2 of the Obama Handbook...

You're never gonna understand because you've already got it in your mind that everything Obama does is wrong. I'm done with this argument since we're never gonna agree.

This really means "I am running out of made-up facts to support my weak and comically false assertions". Now I lay into the real root of why I don't like Obama-

TK: You are done because you cannot understand that you have a President that ran as a visionary but leads like a politician.

Please explain to me how bailing out the car companies with the C4C program stimulated our economy? It hurt us even more as the Americans had to foot the bill in taxes to help bail out ineptly run car companies. This is my point. He has programs that do not help, regardless of how long it took us to get to this point. His policies are not reducing the amount of debt- they are increasing it.

ML: I won't cause you won't see it anyway.

Translation: "neener neener!" I try to bait him one last time by pulling out a play from his own handbook.
TK: I win.

ML: hhahaahahah
21 hours ago · Unlike Like · 1 person You like this.

Yes, I "liked" his hahaha comment out my sophmoric need to have the last word.

September 19, 2010

Hillary Schemes for 2012

After reading the article about Bill Clinton giving advice to Obama, it is all starting to come together.


Late night at their home in New York:

Bill:  Hey Hillary. Good to see yo—

Hillary: Shut up and sit down. I just got off an 11 hour flight from Jordan and I am in no mood. My ass is killing me.

Bill: Sure thing Hillary. What’s up?

Hillary:  Look, I just set up an interview for you with Willow Bay from Yahoo news so that you can—

Bill:  Yahoo news? Jeezus Hillary, couldn’t you at least get me on The Daily Show? That Jon Stewart loves me and—

Hillary: Dammit, Bill. Shut the hell up for 2 seconds. I have a screaming headache from a 3 day trip to the Middle East trying to get the Israelis and Palestinians to stop killing each other, I haven’t showered and I think I had some bad falafel.

Bill:  Ok, ok. What do you want me to do this time?

Hillary: Look, your chances of being the First Lech are looking pretty good as long as we can keep Obama running in circles. You are going to go on Yahoo news and make a plea to Obama.

Bill: A plea? He doesn’t even like me. Why would he listen to anything I had to say?

Hillary: For chrissakes, Bill. It doesn’t matter if he listens to you or not. Americans are pissed. Give him some advice- all former presidents do it. Tell him what he needs to do to win the hearts and minds of the American people. Give him some praise for what he has done so far and…

(Both start to chuckle)

Hillary:  Ok, shut up. But seriously, tell him something like “The Obama Administration shouldn't ask for credit because people can't give credit if they don't feel better .”

Bill: That doesn’t even make sense. Why wouldn’t someone give cred—

Hillary:  (snaps her fingers) Bill. Focus, Bill. That line should make perfect sense to someone who went on national television and told a Grand Jury that their definition of “is” needed to be redefined.

Bill:  Heh, heh. Yeah, that was pretty good.

Hillary:  This plan is fool proof. Do the interview, give him the advice and for crying out loud, don’t give the damn Republicans any credit- for anything.

Bill:  Can I say something about Haiti?

Hillary: Don’t screw this up. I’m going to my side of the house now.

Bill: Hey Hillary, maybe tonight I could come over and—

Hillary:  You know the rules.

Bill:  Yeah, yeah. I know.

September 18, 2010

Obama Attempts to Address the Nation


FROM THE OVAL OFFICE
Good evening. It’s an honor to be speaking to you for the first time from the Oval Office.
(Silence)
Is it . . .  why isn’t it rolling? Thank you for letting me – CAN WE GET THE TELEPROMPTER WORKING???
(Silence)
CAN WE GET THE TELEPROMPTER WORKING???
(Silence)
OK, let’s just wing it. Thank you, my American fellows, for letting me into your homes, into your hearts, and out of your minds.
(Silence)
What I mean by that is I want to connect not with your minds, but with your hearts. I want to go mindless for a change. You know, to show you what’s in my heart, my emotions, and that sort of stuff. My deep compassion for the people of the Gulf who have lost all their fish. I mean, like, who have lost their fishing industries. And for the birds and the oily turtles, and so forth. In short, what I want to say is, ‘Message: I care.’
(silence)
CAN WE GET THE TELEPROMPTER WORKING??? RAHM?? THIS IS IT. I’M FINISHED WITH YOU. I’M PUTTING AXELROD IN CHARGE!!
(silence)
I went to the Gulf Monday to establish a connection with the people there. I believe a connection has been established. So now we are connected.
(silence)
BP stands for Bad People. And I’m going to kick their asses. I’m going to stand up for the American people. Stand up on one foot, and with the other foot, I’m going to kick their asses.
This is the worst environmental disaster this nation has faced since Larry Summers farted in the Roosevelt Room. Sorry, a little inside humor there.
BP has tried to make a fool of me, and it’s working.
I mean the teleprompter. It’s working. Should I start at the top? OK scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, THERE. That’s where I am. OK. Oh crap, it’s down again.
Listen, just, you know, to the people of the Gulf, the only thing you have to fear is fear itself, you know, that kind of thing. And to British Petroleum, don’t ask what our country can do for you, ask what you can do for our country. Get it, buttheads?
I was out in a boat on the Gulf yesterday, and it really hit home. I said to Admiral Thad Allen, ‘You know, I can smell the oil.’ And he said to me, ‘Actually, that’s the exhaust from the boat engine.’ And I said, ‘You see what I mean?’ And he gave me this weird look.
Anyhoo, I hope you’ve enjoyed tonight’s presentation. It was a pleasure for you to see me and be with you.
You know, there are some who say America’s chickens are coming home to roost. And I say to them: Chickens have nothing to do with this.
So thank you. And may God bless America.

September 16, 2010

Obama's First Press Conference

President Obama this morning is holding his first press conference in 35 years. Last night, I had a dream about how it would go. I warn you that my dreams always come true, like the one I once had about suddenly being able to eat anything I wanted without gaining weight. Well, actually, that one didn’t come true, and I should never have tried it. But here’s what I drempt last night.




The Scene is the East Room of the White House. President Obama is holding a news conference.
Reporter: Mr. President, despite nearly a trillion dollars in stimulus and other measures, the economy continues to perform poorly. Have your policies failed?
Obama: Not at all. My policies have succeeded. We’re moving in the right direction. Except for the unemployment rate. That’s moving in the wrong direction.
But, let me be clear, this is all Bush’s fault, and it continues to be. And it will be. Everyone knows Bush is responsible for the economic crisis, as well as the U.S. loss to Ghana in the World Cup this summer.
In fact, the hole Bush dug us is so deep, I think I’m going to need a third term to get us out of it. I mean, he practically dug all the way to China. And when I was a senator, I said, “Hey, dummy, stop digging the hole!” And he just kept right on doing it.
And by the way, let me take this opportunity to announce some further stimulus. This one will work, because it’s about people and the middle class. I’m asking Congress for $50 billion to build sidewalks. That’s right, we built all these roads with the first stimulus but we forgot to build the sidewalks. And now we’re going to build sidewalks, and the little Walk/Dont Walk signs that make tweeting sounds.
Reporter: There has been great controversy over a Mosque that may be built two blocks from Ground Zero. People are confused about your opinion. Can you clarify what you think?
Obama: Yes. Ever since Bush announced plans to put a Mosque near Ground Zero, I’ve been leading and working hard on the issue. In fact, I’ve been working so hard on the issue that I’ve been on both sides of it. So I’ve seen it from different angles.
I have to say, putting a mosque at Ground Zero is an outrage. It’s also a pretty damn good idea. And that’s the way I see it.
And by the way, has anyone ever thought of building the mosque, but putting a church on the third floor? And maybe the gay bar could go on the second floor. See what I mean? We have to think these things through.
Reporter: Iran seems to be ignoring your sanctions and continuing with its effort to produce nuclear weapons. What else can you do to stop them?
Obama: I think this is another issue on which we have to be creative. Much goes on behind the scenes.  Some of our latest steps directly target President Ahmadinejad. For example, we’ve taken away all his toys, and we’ve scheduled his bedtime for one hour earlier. We’re in the process of adding three extra syllables to his name, so no one will be able talk to him.
We’re also acting to undermine the Iranian nuclear program. Starting next week, any Iranian nuclear scientist who leaves Iran gets double frequent flier miles. And some of our inspectors who travel to Iran are actually spies. The Iranians have no idea.
And of course, we have our fail-safe plan, which is to let the Israelis bomb the place and then shriek about what a horrible thing they’ve done.
Reporter: Mr. President, some are alleging that while the American people are suffering economically, you and your family are living the high life, with Mrs. Obama traveling to a fancy resort in Spain, you playing golf every weekend, and the two of you feasting on lobsters. Are you overdoing it?
Obama: Let me just take these in order. First of all, Mrs. Obama has a very stressful job trying to wipe out fat kids. I mean, trying to wipe out their fat. Have you seen how many of them there are? So, yes, she needed to go to the spa in that particular hotel to get rested up.
As for my golf, I would remind you that I don’t use a caddy. I carry my own clubs, choose the one I’m going to use without consulting anyone. I wipe my own balls. Well, you know what I mean.
And each and every lobster I’ve eaten since becoming president has been fully paid for. Yes, we’ve had to make some cuts in Medicare and close some corporate loopholes, but the lobsters haven’t cost the taxpayers a penny.
Thank you.
- Keith Koffler, Veteran White House Reporter 
  http://www.whitehousedossier.com