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September 19, 2010

Hillary Schemes for 2012

After reading the article about Bill Clinton giving advice to Obama, it is all starting to come together.

Late night at their home in New York:

Bill:  Hey Hillary. Good to see yo—

Hillary: Shut up and sit down. I just got off an 11 hour flight from Jordan and I am in no mood. My ass is killing me.

Bill: Sure thing Hillary. What’s up?

Hillary:  Look, I just set up an interview for you with Willow Bay from Yahoo news so that you can—

Bill:  Yahoo news? Jeezus Hillary, couldn’t you at least get me on The Daily Show? That Jon Stewart loves me and—

Hillary: Dammit, Bill. Shut the hell up for 2 seconds. I have a screaming headache from a 3 day trip to the Middle East trying to get the Israelis and Palestinians to stop killing each other, I haven’t showered and I think I had some bad falafel.

Bill:  Ok, ok. What do you want me to do this time?

Hillary: Look, your chances of being the First Lech are looking pretty good as long as we can keep Obama running in circles. You are going to go on Yahoo news and make a plea to Obama.

Bill: A plea? He doesn’t even like me. Why would he listen to anything I had to say?

Hillary: For chrissakes, Bill. It doesn’t matter if he listens to you or not. Americans are pissed. Give him some advice- all former presidents do it. Tell him what he needs to do to win the hearts and minds of the American people. Give him some praise for what he has done so far and…

(Both start to chuckle)

Hillary:  Ok, shut up. But seriously, tell him something like “The Obama Administration shouldn't ask for credit because people can't give credit if they don't feel better .”

Bill: That doesn’t even make sense. Why wouldn’t someone give cred—

Hillary:  (snaps her fingers) Bill. Focus, Bill. That line should make perfect sense to someone who went on national television and told a Grand Jury that their definition of “is” needed to be redefined.

Bill:  Heh, heh. Yeah, that was pretty good.

Hillary:  This plan is fool proof. Do the interview, give him the advice and for crying out loud, don’t give the damn Republicans any credit- for anything.

Bill:  Can I say something about Haiti?

Hillary: Don’t screw this up. I’m going to my side of the house now.

Bill: Hey Hillary, maybe tonight I could come over and—

Hillary:  You know the rules.

Bill:  Yeah, yeah. I know.

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