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November 24, 2009

New Mooon gets a full moon from me

Why is is ok for all these horny 30-40 year olds to swoon over the 17 year-old werewolf clown from this pseudo vampire gagger flick but when a man makes a comment about Hanna Montana he is labeled a pervert?

I can't wait to hear how these "werewolves" act, especially since in the Twilight series the "vampires" sparkle like fairies when sunlight touches their skin. I am guessing this Latino wolf pack does the Mexican hat dance during a full moon while decorating themselves with gaudy silver jewelry.

November 21, 2009

Oprah announces retirement: Housewives bleat

Chicago lost the bid for the 2016 Olympics and now they are losing Chicago based show The Oprah Winfrey Show. The one spiritual icon housewives have turned to for the last 24 years for all their news, what to buy, what to wear, who to show pity towards and who to despise and, last but not least, what the fuck book to read.

Any bets on how long it will take the Obama's to comment?

I echo Oprah's feelings toward her show- 25 feels right. I would have liked 25 months and as the show gained traction Oprah's grasp of reality and of the real world started to slip. I do appreciate her strained empathy towards the little people who kept her at the top of the Who's Who Amongst Fat Black Women Making Bank list. Stedman Graham is probably kicking his own nuts at the thought of not trying to tie the knot sooner.

You have 18 months America. Stock up on the bon bons and get that DVR in hot standby- she might be starting the Oprah Winfrey Network. I shit you not. 24/7 of Oprah kissing Tom Cruise's ass, flipping her race card and palling around with Bono and his Red scam.

If you want to look thin, hang out with fat people.

November 11, 2009

DC Sniper executed: finally

So long, asshole. Say hi to Saddam for me.

My only regret, much to the despair of capital punishment opposition, is two-fold:

1) It took 7 years to finally execute this human detritus

2) He wasn't beaten to within an inch of his life and then given a slow-drip IV of Clorox. Lethal injection was too mild- an injection of Twinkie filling comes to mind.

People at the execution were showing all kinds of emotion and some just wanted him to take responsibility for his actions and show a little regret. I think that is too much to ask from someone who takes the time to mastermind and carry out a sniping spree. Why did he do it? Because he is a crazy, psychotic fuck head. Most people who carry out these types of crimes fall into this category.

Psychologists and other soft science practitioners will try to find out why people commit senseless crimes like this, but they never will. Social neglect, depression, getting felt up by that creepy Unlce will all be reasons that surface but I don't think any of them are the reason. I honestly believe it has something to do with the evil that penetrates a lost soul and consumes them.  

November 5, 2009

Battle for Milkquarious

This 20 minute mini movie is a great ad for milk. Yep, milk. Dude reminds me of Zaphod Beeblebrox.

Click on the title to get to the link.


November 4, 2009

Ban DVD players in car consoles

I debated on whether to commemorate this day by showing all the things Obama promised us a year ago when he took office or by writing about the jackass I followed today with a console DVD player in his car. I went with the latter only because it is just too easy to show how much of a turd this president has turned out to be.

I rolled up behind a small car tonight on my way home and, since the new time change now has my evening commute in the dark, it was very easy to see the movie playing in this guy's car- on his front dash console. Because of the narrow road and the logging trucks next to me I could not get around this car and had to wait at every light until he realized the signal had turned green and we could all proceed. I started thinking about that in excessive detail: 20+ people had to wait to proceed through the light until this douche weasel took the time to look up from watching a movie in his car.

Not only was it frustrating at the lights but he was also weaving in his lane, frequently crossing into the other. What movie was he watching, you ask? No, not some B grade porno that the wannabe gang bangers watch in their Expeditions. This ass clown was watching Year One with Jack Black.Year One? That's a movie you catch up on during your commute?

So I make the motion to ban DVD players installed anywhere forward of the drivers seat and I also make a motion to have this new law enforced a lot more than the Hands Free law in CA.