Aloha Dump

No, it isn't an Aesop Fable (Google it, you teenage turds, if you don't know who Aesop is) but a struggle between 2 animals in the dead of Winter. These shots were taken by a hunter in Montana with a cell phone camera. I would love to get images like these with my good camera. SOunds like a manly weekend in the making. I was going to try and craft something witty using these photos, like the differences in our two-party system  when it comes to sharing the wealth. The eagle (republican icon) provided for himself and then the fox (democrat icon) is trying to take the eagles hard earned kill to divey it up amongst the other opportunists, represented by the black birds, who are showing up for a free meal. But I won't.

Here is the statement from the latest sponsor of Tiger Woods Inc. to drop the poor guy. He and Sad Panda can hang out together. Sponsor says goodbye to Tiger

Just inside one week after the Saints won Super Bowl XLIV (that's 44 if you didn't pass the 8th grade) the first Olympic Games of the new decade launched yesterday in Vancouver, Canada. Sorry, Chicago. Coincidentally, I had a short layover in O'Hare yesterday and all I could think about was how much different this airport would have looked had they not been bumped in the first round. I thought the same thing when I was in South Bend, Indiana and saw a meager little shelf in the airport gift shop dedicated to the Colts. Although the Games were kicked off by the death of a luger from Georgia - the country, not the state- the procession, led by Greece, was a success for all the fashion police of the world who have just recovered from the Grammy's. From the sexually-ambiguous-figure-skater Johnny Wier's choice of faux fur with the imminent backlash from PETA (haha) to the dreadlock-wearing-Japanese-snowboarder -with-an-identity-crisis taking fashion lessons from K-Fed...

Finally, an animal story worth reading about. This thing has predicted at least 50 deaths, even one where the doctors got it wrong, and sits with the person during the last day or so. Too bad it doesn't cause death as I have a few odd jobs for it. Oscar the Death Sniffing Cat

Another year has gone by, another decade has flown by and now we will all have to get used to writing 2010 on our checks without double zeros.  Have we decided on how to say 2010? "Oh ten" sounds dumb so I think we will be stuck without an abbreviated year for a very long time. "Ten" just doesn't have the same pizazz that "Nine-seven" or all the other years had leading up to the changing of the millennium. This decade has been marred by war, loss and political turmoil and we haven't even mentioned the economy, jobs and Kim Kardashian's circus freak ass. We were promised a quick victory at the beginning of the decade and sweeping change towards the end- it has become clear that we were duped. There will be dozens of sites and shows remembering the last year and the first decade of both this generation's first century and the beginning of a new 1000 years - well, for those of  us that follow the Gregorian calendar, anyway. For all the hea...

It appears that my eagerness for racial profiling at airports really doesn't matter since we can't even rely on people to check the dates on an expired Visa. The school administrator who arranged for a taxi to take Umar back to the airport told reporters the taxi was the end of their responsibility for the Nigerian who came to Yemen to learn Arabic. To learn Arabic? Of course in hindsight that might have raised some flags but we can't investigate everyone who wants to learn a language heavily reliant on the sounds of phlegm lodged in the back of the throat. Updating my original post with this new information has further solidified my resolve (from 2001) that we cannot rely on anyone else in the world to look after our interests of national security. Yemen should be punished for allowing this terrorist to leave their country, either by their own negligence or for aiding  Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab . Uh oh, did I just start a conspiracy theory? *Cue intense ...

I bet Tiger Woods is glad the attempted Northwest Airlines flight 253 to Detroit made the headlines- maybe it will take the heat off him for a while. I am a little pissed, however, at the people who let  Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab get on the damn plane in the first place. All the signs were there that this extremist lunatic should not be outside a cemetery let alone an airplane. Let's list them: 1. He was on a terrorist watch list. 2. His own father  warned U.S. officials. 3. He probably looks similar to this asshole who tried to blow up an airplane with a shoe bomb back in 2001. Richard Reid- Now convicted of 9 charges  and Al Qaeda trained. Translation: He will sit in prison for the rest of his life as a drain on our tax system, much like unwed teenage mothers except Reid can't get knocked up when the boys come-a-callin'. I would like to address the previous points above and why we dodged a bullet with this latest attempt ...

While listening to the Christmas segment for this show I heard Dora's grating voice talking to Santa. I went to the television when I heard the singing and once again realized how much this show sucks. Up yours Nickelodeon. Santa Claus is not a Latino and he does not sing Feliz Navidad. He is a fat white guy with Type 2 diabetes and red cheeks. I know this is true because I saw him at the mall.

Why is is ok for all these horny 30-40 year olds to swoon over the 17 year-old werewolf clown from this pseudo vampire gagger flick but when a man makes a comment about Hanna Montana he is labeled a pervert? I can't wait to hear how these "werewolves" act, especially since in the Twilight series the "vampires" sparkle like fairies when sunlight touches their skin. I am guessing this Latino wolf pack does the Mexican hat dance during a full moon while decorating themselves with gaudy silver jewelry.

Chicago lost the bid for the 2016 Olympics and now they are losing Chicago based show The Oprah Winfrey Show. The one spiritual icon housewives have turned to for the last 24 years for all their news, what to buy, what to wear, who to show pity towards and who to despise and, last but not least, what the fuck book to read. Any bets on how long it will take the Obama's to comment? I echo Oprah's feelings toward her show- 25 feels right. I would have liked 25 months and as the show gained traction Oprah's grasp of reality and of the real world started to slip. I do appreciate her strained empathy towards the little people who kept her at the top of the Who's Who Amongst Fat Black Women Making Bank list. Stedman Graham is probably kicking his own nuts at the thought of not trying to tie the knot sooner. You have 18 months America. Stock up on the bon bons and get that DVR in hot standby- she might be starting the Oprah Winfrey Network. I shit you not. 24/7 of Oprah kiss...

So long, asshole. Say hi to Saddam for me. My only regret, much to the despair of capital punishment opposition, is two-fold: 1) It took 7 years to finally execute this human detritus 2) He wasn't beaten to within an inch of his life and then given a slow-drip IV of Clorox. Lethal injection was too mild- an injection of Twinkie filling comes to mind. People at the execution were showing all kinds of emotion and some just wanted him to take responsibility for his actions and show a little regret. I think that is too much to ask from someone who takes the time to mastermind and carry out a sniping spree. Why did he do it? Because he is a crazy, psychotic fuck head. Most people who carry out these types of crimes fall into this category. Psychologists and other soft science practitioners will try to find out why people commit senseless crimes like this, but they never will. Social neglect, depression, getting felt up by that creepy Unlce will all be reasons that su...