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September 22, 2009

Log Entry: West Pac 2005

September 9, 2005

I have the midwatch now and it is going pretty slow. I had an interesting dream oncoming about zombies. I was beating them down with a tomahawk and a baseball bat. I was really kicking some zombie ass until I was awakened by someone yelling at Zach to get up for his training. Lower level berthing is just too small for people to be yelling like that. I got up about an hour later because I couldn’t fall back asleep. Assholes.

We have been underway from Guam a month now. Seems longer. We are running low on yeast so bread and pizza will probably be rationed very soon. How can the cooks be so stupid and not pack 90 days of yeast like they are supposed to? Yeah, rhetorical questions suck, I know. I have noticed throughout my career that the cooks can consistently do a shitty job with little repercussion. The rest of us suffer and it goes unnoticed. Shitbirds.

So Hanthorn’s ass zit still hasn’t popped and he won’t stop complaining about it. Woydziak and I offered to lance it and Hanthorn said no fucking way. We also offered to take a picture of it so he could see first hand how disgusting it is and he declined. Now he is really embarrassed about it. Pity, because it would really bring a little excitement to an otherwise boring underway. We haven’t even had a King Shit either and that happens pretty quick after eating this food for a few weeks. I finally cut that retarded toenail of mine- it was bugging the shit out of me. How does a toenail start to grow all funky and change color? Dudes are gross.

Ivanisko brought some levity to the section when he told a story that shows just how shitty cooks are in general. On his last boat they ran out of hot dogs on the serving line during chow and everyone had to wait for another batch to finish cooking. When they finally served the hotdogs Ivanisko noticed that they were much smaller than usual. He took the hot dog out of the bun and upon closer inspection noticed a hole at the tip- a hole where a stick used to be. The cooks had stripped down corndogs, pulled the stick out and served them like regular hot dogs. Why the fuck wouldn’t they just serve corndogs? Assclowns.

Our Lame 'by-the-book' Commanding Officer
The USS Louisville suffers a Jules Verne fate because there was not a procedure for dislodging a giant squid from the hull.


  1. Isn't that the truth about cooks? Yeoman, too. Cooks screw up a meal - nothing happens to them. Yeoman lose important paper work, no dereliction of duty charges against them. If I didn't do my job as a Sonar Supervisor, then we'd be lucky if it was just me standing in front of the Green Table.

    Consider these two comparable scenarios...

    "Sonar, Conn. Make preparations to come to periscope depth."
    "Make preparations to come to periscope depth, Sonar, aye."
    30 minutes later...
    "Sonar, Conn. Report the status for making preparations to come to periscope depth."
    "Conn, Sonar, I forgot about it, and I think I lost the procedures. Ask me again next watch and I'll see what I can do."

    "Hey, YN1, here's my paperwork for (fill in the blank)."
    "Okay, I'll take care of it. It'll be ready this after noon."
    Later that afternoon...
    "Hey YN1. I came to pick up my paper work for _____."
    "Ooo, sorry STS1, I forgot about it. And I think I lost your paperwork. You'll have to resubmit it. Come back tomorrow and I'll see what I can do."
    We all know what would happen in these two situations...

  2. Oh man, I almost forgot about the Yeoman and their "business hours" sign on their door.

    Business hours. Yeah, I think Sonar should have business hours where we would only track contacts between the hours of 9 a.m. and 3 p.m. Monday through Thursday.

    And no duty.