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January 13, 2005

Running late

After 12 years of living in Hawaii I would think that I would be used to the lackadaisicalness, err aloha spirit, of the locals. I was running late today and I should have just slowed down and just tried to not be in such a hurry; but I got pissed off instead.

To start, I had to wait for 3 stops to get to the bottom floor on the elevator. This didn't bother me because people have to get to work, kids have to get to school, the old Asian lady needs to park her ass on the lobby bench first thing in the morning. What irritates me is the slow shuffling feet and the brain dead movements. Get your fucking asses on the elevator for crissakes.

My next blunder was being nice and letting them all exit the elevator while I held the "door open" button for them. What pissed me off about this is that I directly violated my own rule- never inconvenience myself to show a random act of kindness because it usually ends up getting broken off in my ass. Now I had to wait for the shuffling zombies to exit not only the elevator but also the lobby door that leads to the parking garage. The only person that went the other way was the old lady but she was the last one off. I promptly zig-zaged around them and got to my truck and fired it up so that I wouldn't get stuck behind any of them.

As I get to the first light to make my left turn I have to wait for some kids to cros the street with the light. I don't want to be one of the assholes that barrels through the turn before the kids get to the middle of the road but when the kids fuck off while crossing the street my patience starts to wear thin. Three of them stopped directly in front of my truck to paw at each other's backpacks. I rolled down my window and honked my horn while yelling "Move your ass!".

Because I was stuck behind all the parents and other people running late I had the pleasure of waiting for these same kids to cross the street down the road in front of the school. They didin't mess around this time but they sure didn't have any haste in their steps. I don't expect them to sprint across the crossing but the constant feet shuffling like a man headed towards the electric chair is frustrating.

To make matters worse, the crossing guard lady is a borderline grape jelly stain. She likes to walk out in front of cars making the right at her corner with her stop sign when the opposing traffic gets the yellow light. This is to get the maximum number of kids throgh the light, I guess, but it prevents a car or two from making the right hand turn when there is no oncoming traffic.

The next feat is making the next left hand turn without the benefit of an arrow for safe passage. I get my vehicle out in the intersection with my blinker on so that when a 4 or 5 car gagp presents itself I am in position to jet through. Not these people. This morning a mini van with an Asian woman driver waited at the white line for our turn lane. I guess she didn't feel comfortable going through the intersection with anything less than a 1/4 mile gap between oncoming cars so, as I predicted, this asshole was the only person who made it through light. I also had the pleasure of following this twit at 20mph in a 25mph zone.

To make matters even worse, this minivan had the "Drive with Aloha" bumper sticker.


1 comment:

  1. Oh yeah. I know days like that. People pull this kind of shit on the subways, too. When the train comes, they don't stand off to the sides to let people off, they stand right in front of the doors. Then they get on, but don't actually move into the train...they just stand in the doorway and look at you like YOU're the asshole when you push past them.

    People also wait until the last possible minute to get off the train, for some reason. Those of us who observe subway etiquette wait patiently off to the sides of the doors until they're clear...inevitably as soon as we step on, here comes some other asshole getting off. You know, it's not like they didn't know the stop was coming. Most NYers have subway strategies. For example, almost everyone at my stop rides in the first two cars of the train because the exit is at that end. We think ahead.

    It's even so thought-out that we know if you ride in the very first car, it lines up with the double-sided staircase. You either use the first door in the car or the last door in the car, because they line up with the entrances to the stairs; the middle doors you get out facing a wall. And everybody gets up as the train leaves the stop before ours. We think ahead!!! What's wrong with these other inconsiderate assholes!!! ARGH.

    Okay I'm done.