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August 24, 2009

Neighborhood excitement

There was a fight across the street from my house, much like the fights I used to see outside my lanai off of Salt Lake Blvd. in Honolulu. This one was different though- I am at ground level now and do not have the safety of elevation and discretion when it comes time for me to dispense vigilante justice at these hoodlums.

I remember many a night (morning?) when I was awakened by the mischief of locals who had no future, no life to speak of and nothing to do but get in trouble. They would drive/walk/skateboard up and down the street at all hours causing trouble. It was entertaining at first, watching thugs get the piss beat out of them and, if I was lucky, hauled off to jail if Honolulu's finest got there in time.

But it gets old constantly being shaken out of a deep sleep to screaming female teens who are yelling at their newly informed father of the news, assholes who like to ride around screaming for no other reason than to piss people off, or more than anything else ride around with a muffler that is 300 dB louder than the legal limit. Add to this sleep deprivation the crying of an infant who was also disturbed from a nights sleep and you can see how the frustration builds.

But I didn't come here to talk about that. You can go back to my posts in 2005 and read all about it. The fight that happened yesterday had all the elements of the fights I saw in Hawaii- only this time there were Mexicans instead of Filipino's, Samoans, hapa Pacific rim losers. Oh, and here there are a few white trash jackholes sprinkled in there, sadly girls who look like heroin addicts. Not to label trouble makers (assholes are found in all races, colors, and creeds), but for fuck sake, it isn't my fault that most of the mischief that happens in my field of view fits the aforementioned profile.

I was completely unaware of the trouble until my wife asked how long you are supposed to let a *potential* fight build up until you call the police. I thought it was a trick question since I like to see vagrants and social detritus duke it out. It falls along a very loose parallel of watching gang members kill each other- I have not empathy for a dead gangster (a.k.a. rapper).

This fight was pretty lame. At least the Hawaiian locals like to scrap. Hits are dealt, asses are beat, blood is drawn. The embarrassing spectacle I witnessed looked like that skit from Dave Chappelle's show called Friday Night Sissy Fights. There was a lot of foot play between the two scrappers and, since there were some ghetto sluts in training on the scene, a lot dominant posturing was exercised via verbal abuse.

The guy in the red shorts (photo at the bottom of the post) was really trying to get something going. The guy in the black shorts was dancing around and trying to avoid the uncoordinated swings and advances from his rival. He was doing a great job of avoidance and his laughter was really pissing the other guy off. They eventually parted ways and the next time I looked out the window the guy in the black was pulling the other guy out of his car. Ok, now some shit is going to happen. Nope. They were rolling around on the ground for a minute or two, each one having a "helper" on their side giving them tips on how to overcome the stalemate.

Let me break down the attendees who were there in the parking lot at the park across the street from my house. Oh, I forgot the mention it is a park where little kids and families come to spend some quality time? My mistake.

Every fight I have witnessed with a group of people watching has the same type of people hanging around. There is the instigator, shown here by the fat ass in the white shirt and the towel around his neck. He could be heard in my house with the TV on and my 4 kids having a normal conversational tone, which is pretty high since my kids are fucking loud. The instigator is rarely involved with any actual physical action, unless of course his guy gets the upper hand and then the instigator will come over and get in a cheap shot. This fight had two instigators. See the little white trash teen in the grey shirt? She wanted the whole neighborhood to know that she is going to be a truck driver when she grows up.

There are also the documentors, using any form of media they can to record the event and then upload to YouTube. Cell phones are an awesome way to record photos and video and there is rarely something that goes on in this world that cannot be caught on film or digital media.

There are also side bars going on that involve the friends or acquaintances of the two fighting. This side bar had a better fight than the two asshats who started the whole show. Two white trash girls were kicking the shit out of a fatty Mexican chick who was curled up in the fetal position, cellulite hanging out of her stressed sweat pants. That is when I started to go out but then I remembered I had to go get a drink of water. Besides, the fatty got right up and at least acted like it didn't phase her. Good for her. Sad, though, when the sluts put up an better fight than the dudes. The cop agreed with me when they finally showed up.

Funny side bar in our house during this time- when my wife called 911 she couldn't get through on her Blackberry so she grabbed mine and still couldn't get through. Some kind of error. She had to use my son's phone to actually get through to a 911 operator. Since we are in an unincorporated area the 911 operator had to call the Sheriff's office to dispatch a unit to our neighborhood. Comforting to know.

And just like that, the young adults, who have so much going for them, who have such a bright future ahead of them as State tax burdens, all got in their vehicles and drove off. Three of four cars went to the house of the slutty trailer trash teen who was announcing her instructions with a certain sense of bravado. She returned to the parking lot (with 3 other crack head girls)looking for a cell phone and then left when the cops got there. I went and talked to the cops and one of the units went after the car. I also provided license place numbers. On the way back across the street to my house, I was betting myself which one of the girls would have an abortion before the school year was over. I really wish I wasn't such a dick sometimes.

They can all kiss my ass. I am not going to watch this nice park turn into a hangout for these people without doing something about it. A nearby city had a serial arsonist who was burning playground equipment. What an asshole. As my mind started to drift that night in bed, I envisioned my self as one of the Watchmen, decked out in makeshift armor with a cool costume. I would break arms, legs, and punch a few sluts in the face. I heard one of the people had a screw driver during the fight but only brandished it- that thing would have ended up his ass.

But fantasy gave in to fatigue and I fell asleep.


  1. Sorry to hear of your Cali neighborhood is really quiet in Carson City, but I have been thinking of getting a nice pistol grip shotgun with a Stephen Colbert "precious" . We'll see. Only the have a couple trailers parks with weak gang activity a few blocks away to spice up the local news. Im pretty lucky here we have the Sheriff Dept, Capital Police and the west's famous Nevada Highway patrol all here. NHP is famous for no mercy giving speeding tickets, and no preferential treatment in DUI's....Carson City mayor got one couple years ago. Maybe you should get bullhorn to get the show over and done with...or maybe since law enforcement is thin a neighborhood watch is needed.
    Glad to see your making it through these togh times. Imua!

  2. I read an article with a quote from the local chief of police stating that he is going to make it easier for people to get concealed firearm permits. How is it in Carson City for that priveledge?

  3. Easy. no feloneys.
    No gross misdemenors.
    No Domestics.
    $100/yr fee
    Fingerprints $8.00

  4. Around here in Carson City the freaks dont come out till night. And alot of people carry guns in the home. So its pretty safe here. Besides we dont have protective laws for trespassers. I always say and see that dead men dont tell lies.
    Talk to you in another 3-6 months.
    Take good care of yourself.