Aloha Dump

I can't believe I missed this tidbit of news from a few days ago, but it appears a drone attack has killed Barra-, err Obama bin Laden's son. Not that the chicken shit will miss his son, if he even knew about him, but it is comforting to know Saddam will have another Muslim extremist to chat with while he is burning in Hell and getting pineapples rammed up his ass every 15 minutes. I am just waiting on Obama (our President) to apologize. I am surprised this was even allowed to happen under the President's watch considering he made the comment that "victory" is not the goal in Afghanistan . Am I the only one who missed this recent bit of news? Usually the deaths of the bad guys are splattered all over the news. Come to think of it, since Obama took office the death of the good guys don't seem to make it in the news as much as before the election. I hate to say it, considering I really wanted this new President to turn this country around, but he is a tool. I kn...

In honor of the 40th anniversary of the first Moon landing. We are the first and only country to land on our only Moon. Go fuck yourself Russia!

Joe Dirt: So your gonna' tell me that you don't have no black cats, no roman candles, or screaming mimis? Kicking Wing: No. Joe Dirt: Oh come on man. You got no lady fingers, fuzz buttles, snicker bombs, church burners, finger blasters, gut busters, zippity do das, or crap flappers? Kicking Wing: No, I don't. Joe Dirt: You're gonna stand there, owning a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistling bungholes, no spleen spliters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker donts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistling kitty chaser? Kicking Wing: No... because snakes and sparklers are the only ones I like. Joe Dirt: Well that might be your problem, it's not what you like, it's the consumer.

Is is just me or is Dora the Explorer the unholy apex of bilingual appeasement? My 3 year old watches this show and it gives me a headche when it is over. I actually feel dumber for having sat through 30 minutes of this bullshit. I have never liked this show. Somehow it rubs me the wrong way, like it is clumsily trying to hide a clandestine mission of entertaining illegal immigrant children or, trying to get English speaking children to learn bits of Spanish so they will be able to communicate with the majority of the population in the U.S. in 10 years. Another thing I don't like is the way she shits all over the fox, Swiper. Anytime this thing somes around she tells the viewers to say "NO! NO! NO SWIPING!". Fuck you, you intolerant little bitch. I can't help but to think that this has contributed in some small way to my daughter's pseudo bitchiness. Or perhaps it was just passed down from her mother. (j/k sweetie) I get it; I get that the show's intent is to ...

I had mixed emotions when I heard the news Michael Jackson died of an apparent heart attack. My initial response was "Good, it's about time that freak croaked". But then I thought back to high school and the great music he put out that revolutionized the pop culture. I challenge anyone who was really into MJ to deny that they at least tried to Moonwalk. I was actually pretty good at it. Before a thoughtful piece from the FL Times, I leave you with this bit of gallows humor: Michale Jackson is going to come back as a plastic grocery bag. That way he can still be white, made of plastic, and still be a threat to children. Setting the freak show of the last 15 years aside, the Michael Jackson of the '80s is the Michael Jackson we love, the one we want to remember. The one who gave us Thriller, Beat It, Billie Jean. (And the Moonwalk — which I never learned to do.) Not botched plastic surgeries, sex abuse allegations, televised trials, unexplainable marriages, and baby-dan...

I didn't expect to start off Father's Day with a funeral but with 4 kids in this house you never know what each new day will have in store. My youngest son won 2 goldfish at the fair yesterday- that in itself was an accomplishment as he thew a ping pong ball on his second shot into a small glass bowl- and this morning he came into our room asking us to "come look at this". That was 7 a.m. and after I explained to him that it takes Mommy and Daddy a little longer to wake up in the morning he told us that Goldy was lying on the bottom of the bowl. My wife jumped up with that "oh shit" face and took my son and my 3 year old daughter into the kitchen. A very short time later, before I could even roll over and try to catch a cat nap, I heard my son crying. It was a tough site to see him with his face buried in his mother's chest and crying over a fish he won 15 hours ago. It was confirmed; Goldy had passed on to the great fishbowl in the sky. He (she?) lay th...

Evil dicator says he hates the United States. Said dictator says he will use WMD's agaiinst the United States. Oh, the same dictator just had a successful underground detonation of a nucelar weapon, and then shot a missile into the Sea of Japan to taunt Obama . Question: How long will it take Obama to go over and start swinging from Kim Jong Il's nutsack? Better question: How long will it take before a city is blown to smithereens because the U.S. dicked around too long with negotiations and sanctions? Honestly, I am not worried about this missile test. It is another lame attempt by another lame dictator to squeeze the United States and the world for some more money and food because the dictator's country sucks. I have to believe that the missile and the launch site would be vapor within 5 minutes of the launch. But then again, maybe they won't. Your move Obama. You have already weakened this country in a very short time, so what will you do now with the possibly of a n...

California is having a tough time right now. Unemployment is up, jobs are scarce, the State budget is a concern for many, gays are still crying over their loss last November. What CA needs is a scandal, something for everyone to take their minds off their woes for the short term. Unfortunately, there is one scandal that has made the news but nobody really cares. Two weeks ago, San Diego native Carrie Prejean won the Miss USA pageant and she is already on the burner and awaiting the Donald’s verdict as to whether she will retain her crown. The media will have you believe it is because Prejean breached her contract and had some booby photos taken that have since surfaced during a recent witch hunt. I don’t believe either of these incidents, or any others that will surface, to be the real reason behind the Miss USA uproar. I did not watch the event in Las Vegas, and haven’t seen a Miss USA show since my younger years when I had no wood control and the swimsuit pageant was the closest t...

Here is a great article reviewing the last 100 days of Obama's presidency . I knew there was a reason I did not vote for this man. He is a liar, a bully, a pussy and mark my words, although I do not know the extent of the damage that will come of this presidency, it will not be good. He has already weakened this country and did it a lot faster than Clinton did. But he gets a free pass from the media and from the millions of Americans who voted for him. He kept promising us change but as you read the article you will find that the change was not really what we expected. Here are my top 5: 1. He closed Guantanamo bay prison. Now all the terrorists will be sent to a prison on American soil and given the same rights. 2. He said time and time again on his campaign trail that he would end the lobbyist grip on Washington. His first bill contained 17 instances of the contrary. 3. Appointing Eric Holderer as Attorney General, the highest authority on law enforcement, who is also a radical s...

I am not old enough to remember the Hog Flu outbreak in the 1970’s and didn’t even know we had one until I started researching the data behind the current one. The World Health Organization says we are but just a small step away from having a worldwide pandemic. 100+ people have died in Mexico, American’s are scared and but a small step away from hysteria. Egypt, one of the few Arab countries not jam packed with lunatic muslims, has now ordered 300,000 pigs to be slaughtered in response to the growing concern over the impending pandemic. I call bullshit. Do you know how many hogs they found infected with this flu in the 70’s (after millions of dollars were poured into a vaccine)? None. To date, do you know how many infected hogs they have found in Mexico? None. People are in hysterics over this flu and they don’t even know what it is. A coworker told me you can get it from eating pork. That is absolutely not true; it is hog flu, not mad hog disease. Schools are sending out notices to ...

A nudist was tazered at the Coachella Valley Music festival, probably the only interesting act at the whole event, while onlookers repeatedly gasped and harangued the three officers. It looks like the officers followed protocol, the asshole would not cover himslef up and, after repeated attempts, the hippie kept resisting the officers. He got what he deserved. I made a similar post when a student was tazered by some campus cops and the same bleeding heart pussies objected to that. Look, if cops come at you with tazers, whether you feel it is justified or not, you better get head down, ass up. Is your pride worth the shock of a few hundred thousand volts? I watched the video several times and I do not understand why they call the nudist a "wizard". Dude, if you are a wizard you should really work on those nature resists. You could easily absorb and mitigate that lightning damage. Instead of taking that bottled water you should have popped a potion or elixir. Noob.

It has been 10 years since the largest failed school bombing attempt at Columbine High School. Oh, did I say bombing? You heard correctly and probably didn't even know that the two assholes who shot dozens and killed 13 had setup the day to be a huge bombing. Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold went down in history as the agents behind the worst massacre in high school shooting (to date) 10 years ago today. The only reason it was a shooting and not a bombing is because the propane tanks they set in place to explode did not. I find that ironic since Harris was always complaining about how stupid the rest of the world was. USA Today came out with a great article, confirming what I already knew, about the 2 psychopaths in the shooting. It wasn't that they belonged to the Trenchcoat Mafia- thank you media for giving all the losers in schools something to join. It wasn't because they were loners. The FBI finally released what the real cause was. Ready? They were fucking psychopaths. Y...