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August 31, 2006

The Stand (not a book review)

I have been participating on my blogger friend's site on a discussion about Muslims/Islam etc. Andy wrote a piece entitled Us vs. Them that basically says, "Can't we all just get along?" I am drastically oversimplifying the post but please read it. Here is an excerpt:
As long as the President continues to insist that “we” are good, and therefore everything we want and do is good, and “they” are bad and everything they want and do is bad, we will continue to have slaughter.

There is no "them." There is only us.
Very Age of Aquarious, don't you think? The comments on this post have stretched into something I can only dream of on this blog and Andy gets a lot of support from his loyal readers. And this disturbs me.

I have already made quite a few posts concerning the made-up religion of Islam and the problems that religion has cause throughout the centuries. Here and Here to cite a few. If you read Andy's blog and the subsequent comments please forgive me if you have to reread soomeof what I post. I should just have this stuff readily available to cut and past, much like the liberals do with their rhetoric.

I'm all about the mindset of minding my own business. I think a lot of the world's problems would go away if people did just that. But we can't all do that because there are people in the world that have to be pain's in the asses. The followers of Islam fit that description.

That sounds very biggoted, doesn't it? How dare I have such intolerance for a religion! I have a big problem with a religion, that states in black-and-white, to conquer and kill. I have been reading the Koran for almost a year, on and off, and do not have the verses memorized as I do the Holy Bible, but I have run across these verses time and time again. I know what you're thinking-

"Yeah, but, the Bible also talks about killing unbelievers. HA! Biggot!"

I love the 'yeah, buts'. Retorts like this show this person doesn't have a clear understanding of the Bible and I am not going to digress in this post to cover it. Maybe another time.

So, how 'bout that Islam, huh? The second link above talks about all the great things Islam has contributed to society so I won't rehash that. One argument that always comes up when talking about radical Islamofacists is "What about the peaceful Muslims?"

What about them? Just because some of the followers of have been declawed of Islam's most vile practices doesn't mean everything is hunky-dorie. These are marginal players and most will not speak out against the radicals for fear of reprisals. The silence of the Muslims against their fanatic assholes is deafening.

Christians did some bad shit, to be sure. The crusades can be summed up best by George Carlin:

Crusader: Do you believe in God?

Some dude: Uh, no.

WHACK!

Crusader: Do you believe in God?

Some other dude: Yes!

Crusader: Do you believe in OUR God?

That same dude: Um, no.

WHACK!
I love the "Yeah, but[s]" for this scenario that are used to justify what the islamofacists are doing- like there isn't a statute of limitations on being an asshole. So, I guess to the people that use this excuse to justify violence, we are supposed to let every sick religion have their turn at conversion/murder? Interestingly enough, the Jihads actually predate the Crusades.

Gino says on Andy's blog:
mainstream islam today seeks to convert the world through acts of rightousness
I'm sure. But it is the mainstream media that is convering the violent Muslims. [See paragraph 9] Mainstream Islam? What does that mean anyway?
Koran chapter 9, verse 29, "Fight those who believe not in Allah nor the last day, nor hold that forbidden which hath been forbidden by Allah and his apostle, nor acknowledge the religion of truth even if they are the people of the book, until they pay the Jizya with willing submission, and fell themselves subdued."
How do mainstream Muslims interpret that?

"Well, they do everything in the Koran except the violent parts."


Gino:
i've been told, by them, that koran needs to be taken in historical perspective, and within its context.
So, they aren't supposed to Jihad anymore? Those parts of the Koran parallel the non-practicing parts of the Old Testament that speak of going to war with non-believers? Someone needs to tell Al-Qaeda and Hezbollah about that.

"Don't exaggerate! No more than 10 percent of the Muslim population are fundamentalists." Well, call me a taxi! That means there are only 100 million Islamics who want to kill Americans ... instead of 1 billion. I don't find that very comforting.
I’m in the middle of this book called The Legacy of Jihad: Islamic Holy War and the Fate of Non-Muslims. It is a bit daunting, about 700 pages or so, but so far it is really good. Pick it up for an interesting history about the spread of Islam. The Muslim names give me a headache after a while so it is taking me a bit longer than I expected to read.

It is the reflexive political correctness of many to dismiss the connection of Islam to Jihad, to refrain from naming an enemy. We named the enemy in WWII and fought back German Blitzkriegs and Japanese Kamikazi but we have had soldiers, sailors, and marines in the desert for 3 years now and still have not really named the enemy. Islam, not radical Islam, but Islam itself. That would be too crass.

Diana West has a great statement to add to the previous point:
There are many reasons why this matters, not least of which is that, without understanding the religious nature of jihad (holy war), along with its sister institution of dhimmitude (inferior status of non-Muslims under Islam), there can be no triumph over jihad and no avoiding dhimmitude. There can also be no understanding of the religiously rooted attitudes toward jihad movements among even non-violent Muslims, generally ranging from a tacit ambivalence to wild adulation.

Michael Evans chimes in with this:
The popular concept of trying to convince the American people that Islam is a religion of peace – as if this will shut down the engine of terror – is the theater of the absurd and a festival of hypocrisy. It will do just the opposite; in time, it could open the floodgates for glassy-eyed, demon-possessed human bombs (H-bombers) to roam the streets of America waiting for the most opportune moment to hit the detonator.
The truth is, this is a battle between two books (the Bible and the Quran) and two kingdoms, democracy and theocracy (Islam). Islamic fundamentalists believe that the Great Satan defeated the U.S.S.R. with their Judeo/Christian invention – democracy – and are attempting to do the same in the Middle East.

I have to pick up my in-laws in a half hour so I will end with a quote from Winston Churchill.

"How dreadful are the curses which Mohammedanism lays on its votaries! Besides the fanatical frenzy, which is as dangerous in a man as hydrophobia in a dog, there is this fearful fatalistic apathy. The effects are apparent in many countries. Improvident habits, slovenly systems of agriculture, sluggish methods of commerce, and insecurity of property exist wherever the followers of the Prophet rule or live. A degraded sensualism deprives this life of its grace and refinement; the next of its dignity and sanctity. The fact that in Mohammedan law every woman must belong to some man as his absolute property, either as a child, a wife, or a concubine, must delay the final extinction of slavery until the faith of Islam has ceased to be a great power among men. Individual Moslems may show splendid qualities - but the influence of the religion paralyses the social development of those who follow it. No stronger retrograde force exists in the world. Far from being moribund, Mohammedanism is a militant and proselytizing faith. It has already spread throughout Central Africa, raising fearless warriors at every step; and were it not that Christianity is sheltered in the strong arms of science, the science against which it had vainly struggled, the civilisation of modern Europe might fall, as fell the civilisation of ancient Rome."
—Sir Winston Churchill, from The River War, first edition, Vol. II, pages 248-50 (London: Longmans, Green & Co., 1899).

August 28, 2006

Carter's legacy

Right Wing Nut House has a brilliant article on former President, and current douchebag, Jimmy Carter.

I remember a little of Carter's presidency as a child- 444 days of waiting, waiting in line with my mom for hours just to fill up our car, and singing the Jimmy Carter song to the tune of "My bologna has a first name..."

My peanut has a first name, it's J-I-M-M-Y;
My peanut has a second name ,it's C-A-R-T-E-R.
I love to beat him every day,
and if you ask me "Why?", I'll say:
'Cause Jimmy Carter has a way of fucking up the USA.


The third line may not be right but that's how we sang it but more importantly the cadence of the parody is how a lot of people felt.

RWNJ article shows that Darwinian theory doesn't always pan out.

Eyeless in Gaza

It is impossible to watch or read the news and not hear about the conflict between Israel and Hezbollah. What is difficult to see/read is what is really going on over there because of the media bias.

Michael J. Totten is a journalist who is in Israel right now blogging about his observations on Middle East Journal. His entries are very telling, expertly written and sprinkled with dramatic images. I chose to link to this particular entry because it involves a conversation with an Israeli.

Here is the full story.

August 26, 2006

Navy Retirement

Yesterday I attended the retirement ceremony of a good friend of mine. We served together on my last boat and he was my "boss". For those of you in the Navy you will understand why I used quotations.

It occurred to me, as I sat listening to the traditional nautical-themed recitations, that the U.S. Navy probably has one of the most unique retirement ceremonies in comparison to its civilian counterparts.

There are no gold watches given, no lavishly decorated ballrooms or dining halls and no cookie cutter speeches. Shipmates are in uniform and civilians are in their Sunday best. Well, in Hawaii it is dressed down to 'Aloha Attire', but it is reflective of the culture the sailor has drifted in during his career.

Below are some examples of the traditional speeches that are made, and although they are almost memorized by sailors who have attended many a retirement, the meaning of each speech is held close the sailor's heart and dreams of the day when a speaker will be reciting them at his retirement.

For the first time that I can recall, a retiree, when given his time to speak, did not talk about himself or his 2 decades worth of accomplishments. Instead, he talked of the people who influenced and mentored him. He thanked his shipmates and then he thanked his family for their support, understanding and patience; and then he apologized to his family.

He apologized to his children for not being there for their birthdays, the many holidays and for the lost moments when a father is just supposed to be there. He apologized to his son for not being there when he got his driver's license. He thanked his wife for being a mother to his kids in his absence and taking care of EVERYTHING while he was gone, often for months at a time.

When my friend was piped ashore, a tradition you can read about below, he then walked to his wife and honored her sacrifices as they were then both piped ashore.

The Navy retirement is both a sad and joyous event. Sad because he is leaving a life that most people cannot comprehend; leaving a life where you have 120 brothers onboard a boat, not just coworkers; leaving a life that is filled with both private self-proclaimed victories and accomplishments that are recognized by his peers in mass formation for all to see; leaving a life that has taken him away from his boyhood home and sent him to latitudes and longitudes that most people only watch on National Geographic.

The retiree is happy, strangely enough, for almost the very same reasons mentioned above. Being a submariner is the toughest job I ever hated. Even after all the bullshit of being on a boat, I see those young sonar men come up to my command for training and I think, "Those guys are doing it. They are the ones punching holes in the ocean."

As a sonar man I feel out of place ashore; my job admonishes me to be at sea, where my talents are exercised and not just talked about.

I am on my twilight tour, my impending retirement just over the horizon, with its mast head height getting taller by the day. I, too, am both excited and sad but I know that what awaits me 'on the outside' will be just as rewarding as the last 20 years.

Enjoy the recites that follow.

Old Glory

I am the flag of the United States of America.
My name is Old Glory.
I fly atop the world's tallest buildings.
I stand watch in America's halls of justice.
I fly majestically over institutions of learning.
I stand guard with power in the world.
Look up and see me.

I stand for peace, honor, truth and justice.
I stand for freedom.
I am confident.
I am arrogant.
I am proud.
When I am flown with my fellow banners,
my head is a little higher, my colors a little truer.

I bow to no one!
I am recognized all over the world.
I am worshipped I am saluted.
I am loved I am revered.
I am respected and I am feared.

I have fought in every battle of every war
for more than 200 years.
I was flown at Valley Forge, Gettysburg,
Shiloh and Appomattox.

I was there at San Juan Hill,
the trenches of France,
in the Argonne Forest, Anzio, Rome
and the beaches of Normandy, Guam.
Okinawa, Korea and KheSan, Saigon, Vietnam know me,
I was there.

I led my troops,
I was dirty, battle-tested and tired,
but my soldiers cheered me
And I was proud.

America has been attacked by cowardly fanatics
And many lives have been lost
But those who would destroy me cannot win
For I am the symbol of freedom,
Of one nation
Under God
Indivisible
With liberty and justice for all.

I have been burned, torn and trampled
on the streets of countries I have helped set free.
It does not hurt, for I am invincible.

I have been soiled upon, burned, torn
and trampled on the streets of my country.
And when it's by those whom I've served in battle it hurts.
But I shall overcome for I am strong.

I have slipped the bonds of Earth
and stood watch over the uncharted frontiers of space
from my vantage point on the moon.
I have borne silent witness
to all of America's finest hours.
But my finest hours are yet to come.

When I am torn into strips and used as bandages
for my wounded comrades on the battlefield,
When I am flown at half-mast to honor my soldier,
Or when I lie in the trembling arms
of a grieving parent
at the grave of their fallen son or daughter,
I am proud.

MY NAME IS OLD GLORY
LONG MAY I WAVE.

The Watch

"Boatswain... Stand by to Pipe the Side!!"

This order has been passed on naval ships from the 1500's through today. Spanish, French, English, Dutch... Yes, all navies of the world use the boatswain, sideboys and call to bring aboard or send ashore all ship's company officers, visiting officers, dignitaries and VIP's.

The sideboys would haul on the ropes and raise or lower the boarding platform so officers would not have to climb the rat line (which were hanging over the side and used by the enlisted crew) when going ashore or to get aboard. This honor was extended to visiting officers, dignitaries and port officials.

It was not uncommon for the Commanding Officer of the ship to order up the Jolly Boat, a crew of eight strong backs, sideboys boatswain to send an old shipmate and fellow officer to his shore retirement... home... never to sail on naval ships again.

"All hands on deck!" was passed, speeches were made about great victories, battles fought upon the open sea, raging storms weathered, and voyages to distant and strange lands with ports-of-call others only dreamed about.

Then, a fine sword... a brace of pistols... or a rifle or musket... or maybe a sea chest of find wood and bound in brass... was presented to remind him of crews and ships he had served with. The boatswain would stand tall the sideboys, the retiree would request permission to go ashore- step to the platform and the sideboys would lower away. As the Jolly boat pulled away, the gunner would fire a salute from the ship's main battery, the retiree sat in the stern sheets... going ashore.

In the late 1700's, the U.S. Navy set sail with new ideas, new goals, and a desire to build traditions that would last through the tests of time. The U.S. Navy led the way with providing honors for crewmen. The 1800's saw enlisted men holding retirements for enlisted men for the first time. The Captain would allow the Jolly Boat to take the enlisted retiree ashore. The, after the Civil War, commanding officers began to hold enlisted retirement ceremonies to the crew that he, and the Navy, recognized the contributions of its enlisted crewmen.

Today our history has given most of the pomp and circumstance, the honors, traditions and ceremonies back to history... time does not give us the freedom to do these things from the past... but, we still have to stop all engines, lay about smartly and drop anchor to pay honor to one of our shipmates going ashore. To Honor the years served, the guidance, the leadership, the friendship and the expertise that this shipmate has freely given these 20 years.

Aye mates, for many years... this man has stood the watch. While some of us lay in our bunks at night... this man stood the watch. While others of us were attending school... this sailor stood the watch. And yes, even before many of us were born... this shipmate stood the watch. As our families watched storm clouds of war building on the horizons of history... this shipmate stood the watch. Though he saw his family ashore, often needing his guidance... he still stood the watch. For 20 years he has stood the watch... so that we and our fellow countrymen could sleep soundly, in safety, each night.

Today, we are here to say, "Shipmate, The Watch Stand Relieved." Relieved by those you have led, guided and trained. "You stand relieved... We have the watch."

Boatswain... Stand by to Pipe the Side... Shipmate going ashore.

Submarine Verse of the Navy Hymm

Bless those who serve beneath the deep, through
lonely hours their vigil keep.
May peace their mission ever be,
protect each one we ask of thee.
Bless those at home who wait and pray, of their
return by night or day.

Going Ashore

Avast ye swabs, land in sight- make haste in sail for we land tonight
and in the morn at break of day, we'll man the rails and gangplank way.
The Bos'ns pipe will trill and shrill- as we send a shipmate to the shore, there to remain forever more.
Tonight we'll crack a keg or two, gather round and drink a toast to you.
We'll lift our mugs away up high, for the many years that drifted by.
Remember throughout the many years, you sailed away amidst the tears
of loved ones left behind, worried and hoping they'd be fine.
Of our shipmates too, my man, who followed you to many lands
in time the names and faces, will be forgotten as all those places.
But like the morning fog and dew, we'll endeavor to remember you,
and when morning sun lifts the haze, and we sail again for many days
you'll remember us as we will you, until the years leave only a few
to recall the good old days, of sailing men o're the waves.

August 25, 2006

R.I. Trooper under ACLU's nose

Last month a Rhode Island State Trooper pulled over a van that had not signaled a lane change. When he asked for identification only a few could provide. The Tropper then asked for green cards and none of them could provide. Immigration was involved and it turns out all 14 people were in the country illegally. Here is what the driver of the van, who is an illegal, had to say about the stop:
"We believe that our van was pulled over, at least in part, because of our ethnicity. As passengers, we also object that we were required to provide identification and asked about our immigration status, even though we had done nothing wrong. We do not think the trooper had any right to force us to go to ICE headquarters. We believe we were treated unfairly."
Wow, it doesn't take long for them to figure out when to use the race card.

Of course the ACLU is jumping all over this case and pointing their fingers at the cop in a defiant posture while coddling the illegals. The only thing that would have made the ACLU spew in their underwear is if the illegals were terrorists. Those ACLU clown sure know how to piss on the flag.

Letter to Judge Koeltl

Judge Koeltl,

My name is G.S. and I am a United States Navy submariner stationed in Pearl Harbor Hawaii. I am writing this letter to ask that you give Lynne Stewart the maximum penalty allowable for her offenses on September 25 of this year.

Her traitorous actions are a disgrace to herself and to the sick minds that propagate her ignoble cause. I am at the twilight of a 20 year career of naval service and I have had to deal with the repercussions of military traitors who sell our secrets to foreign governments. I have had deployments extended, liberty secured and adopted new measures of security every time a traitor held his own ideologies above his countrymen’s.

Lynne Stewart has done something far worse than sell military secrets. She helped the enemy plan attacks against her own countrymen. She feels no remorse and thinks that cowardly attacks against purported powers that make the United States an evil place are justifiable.
"I don’t believe in anarchistic violence, but in directed violence. That would be violence directed at the institutions which perpetuate capitalism, racism, and sexism, and the people who are the appointed guardians of those institutions, and accompanied by popular support." -Lynne Stewart

Sadly, she has no patience to change people’s minds through peaceful methods. She believes the only way to change things is by violence- by killing innocent people.

Again, I humbly ask that you give her the maximum sentence allowable so that it sends a clear message to the people who harbor and help terrorists.

Respectfully,
G.S.

August 24, 2006

Another TSA security restriction


Mardin Amin, 29, was with his mother and two children on August 16th traveling from O'Hare to Turkey. A TSA agent pulled out an object fom Amin's bag and begin to eyball it.

Here is where the story gets interesting. Amir cliams he told the TSA agent the device was a 'pump', she claims Amir said 'bomb'. I assume Amir is Turkish and probably speaks with a thick accent. 'Bomb' sort of sounds like 'pump' in the way 'close' sounds like 'blow' on a sound powered phone on a submarine. Coincidentally, we say 'shut' instead of 'close' for that very reason.

TSA agents grabbed Amin and put him into custody and did not give him the time to explain that what the female TSA agent was holding was his penis pump. I guess that was his bag, baby.

It would be bad enough getting caught masterbating by your mother as a sexually frustrated adolescent, but getting busted with a penis pump in line at the airport while your mother is standing there would be enough to put anyone into therapy.

If convicted, Amir could face up to 3 years in prison. Two points to be made here:

1. Put equipment to ease your sexual inadequacies in your check on luggage.
2. Dude, those things don't work anyway. A, uh, friend of mine told me once.

To add to this ridiculous story, while searching for an image to put on this post I came across (no pun intended) a case that is still pending concerning a retired US Judge that used a penis pump while sitting in court presiding cases.

August 23, 2006

Solving Hawaii's Homeless Problem

I am compelled to write this entry because of a string of homeless conversation that has been happening over the last 4 days. I had a class Saturday, although I did not attend I had a very good reason- I was on the Big Island taking pictures of the lava flow. A groupmember emailed me the brainstorming outcome of the day and it was "Removing the homeless from Oahu beaches". I thought it to be an unchallenging and dry topic.

Yesterday, I read and commented on Doug TenNapel's site on an entry where he discusses an encounter with a crazed homeless person. There were some news segments about the homeless in Hawaii because of the torrential rain we had a few weeks ago and various other issues of the homeless.

Although it is crude, cruel, dispecable and heartless I have a plan to rid Hawaii of its homeless, thus relieving the social and financial burdens the homeless place on the residents and visitors of this island paradise.

The US Navy has a graveyard of outdated ships just rusting away in West Loch. Give the bums their own ship so they can make use of the staterooms and bunkrooms.

In the middle of the night, tow the ship outside the 12 mile limit and use live ordinance to sink it.

1. There will be another artificial reef to promote and sutain sea life.

2. Space will be freed up in the harbor for commercial and residential development.

3. No more insane homeless.

4. The Navy gets weapons proficiency.

It's a win-win proposition.

August 22, 2006

File Under: "I couldn't have said it any better"

Excerpt from Banagor's site. Read the whole thing here.



"No, all Iran has to do is wait, as does Syria, and whatever passes for the emergence in Iraq. And then Europe will fall, someday, and the face of a new god will take it’s place within the hallowed cathedrals of liberalism. It is already happening, slowly but surely. The shields which we have put up are of no use without an offensive thrust. All the enemy has to do is slowly chip away at that shield to make it crumble in time. Europe - the West - is like an unhorsed knight, cowering on the ground, holding a shield above his face. And the Muslim world is standing over him, slamming a scimitar down on that shield, knowing that no counter-thrust will ever come, knowing that steel only has so much strength before it shatters. Europe has encased itself in an armor which will do it no good, and so have we. And when they fall, and when Israel falls, we are next. We will be the last, but it will come. Perhaps when we see Europe fall, we will change our mind. Or perhaps if Iran decides no longer to be patient, we will react. But I don’t see it happening right away."

August 18, 2006

Today is Admissions Day!

Today celebrates the day Hawaii was admitted into the United States on August 20, 1959. It is observed on the third Friday of the month to get that 3-day weekend in.

What is disturbing, but not surprising, is the lack of any real commentary of the holiday in the local media. There were no parades advertised but thousands of people hwo work for the State had the day off. That explains why Koa’s pancakes was packed for breakfast at 9:00 a.m.

I have talked ad nauseum about the Hawaiian sovereignty movement here and here and how a minority of America-haters has made government officials feel guilty about Hawaii belonging to the greatest nation on earth. In a nutshell, it’s the white man’s fault.

As bigoted as that sounds, well, there is some truth in it but I have already addressed my concerns. Instead of trying to make things better for themselves these Hawaiians, who can have as little native blood in them as the equivalent amount of blood-alcohol content that would be considered legal to drive in the state, do nothing to really help their condition economically, socially, and a few other –ly words. Anyone who isn’t Hawaiian cannot possibly know the real white-washed history about what happened during that period of history between 1830 and 1959.

Here is a local who fits that description: Admissions Day a Tragedy

And here is one that doesn’t: Happy Birthday Hawaii

I was working today so I didn’t make it to Honolulu, but I’m sure that the secessionists had protests and picketed today to show their support for the sovereignty movement.

Right?

August 14, 2006

WESTPAC 2005 entry

AUGUST 14, 2005
1200-1800 watch

- Pretty good lunch oncoming: fried chicken, mashed potatoes. For once the cooks didn't turn something from the Y. Hata food delivery truck into something not fit for human consumption. Reminds me of a box of meat when I was on the L.A. that we started to pass to the boat via the human chain gang that read, "Rejected. US Air Force". I wish I was making that up. I think that was the same stores load that two machinists were power puking off the brow just to see who could get the most distance. Anyway, the meat was conveniently, but 'accidentally', dropped over the side before reaching belowdecks, as is every box of frozen brusselsprouts.

- I got up early before watch, 0700 or so, and took a shower. I haven't been sleeping oncoming lately. To keep myself occupied I stay in the time machine, a.k.a. my rack, and play Star Wars Battlefront on my PS2. I picked it up in Guam and it fits sooooo nicely in my rack. I had to commandeer an outlet but nobody seems to mind. Now I just need to find somebody with a library of DVD porn.

- Matagna and Moon had to dive the sonar sphere to get the Halfway Night boxes. Nothing like crawling down a 15 foot tube while at 500 feet below the surface of the water with nothing between you and the crushing depths but a piece of glass reinforced plastic. At least this time the boxes weren't covered in propulsion lube oil like on WESTPAC 2001. Ahh, sweet L.A. memories.

-We are having T-bone steaks for dinner. Let's hope the cooks will be 2 for 2 and not screw the steaks up.

- For some reason, after returning from a head call, the section is talking about when they shit their pants in public places. Bartha in 2nd grade, Hanthorn in a bar in Puerto Rico and Matagna in the first grade. Sadly, I had nothing to contribute to that conversation.

1930 The cooks burned the steaks beyond all recognition. I think they put them in the reactor compartment. At least the undercooked baked potatoes made up for it. I ended up using some of my rack rations- good old microwave Mac & Cheese.

August 10, 2006

If Men Ruled The World

OK, we already do but here are some things that would be nice perks.


1. Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward
your call to her real number.

2. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable
response to "I love you."

3. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

4. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game,
she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a
time-out.

5. Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL
team of your choice.

6. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

7. "Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an
acceptable excuse for tardiness.

8. At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out
your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into
your car like Fred Flintstone.

9. It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned
helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.

10. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you
responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast
you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over
the place." Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."

11. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

12. Garbage would take itself out.

13. Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

14. Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your
wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"

15. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only
occur in leap years.

17. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to
go drinking. Mother's Day, too.

18. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it
would be celebrated every month.

19. “COPS” would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to
the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.

20. The only show opposite “Monday Night Football” would be "Monday
Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".

21. The candle shops in the mall would sell candles that smell like
whiskey and beer.

22. Women would have to obtain a license before wearing spandex or
short shorts (sorta like conceal carry laws).

23. Women suffering from PMS would be required to wear a burka.

24. Gun racks would be standard on all American cars.

25. There would be a device that automatically raised and lowered
toilet seats.

26. 2006 Cloning Act: "Only Jessica Alba may be cloned."

August 9, 2006

Mad Max alive and well

Forgive my tardiness to this latest edition of idiotic Hollywood news but I just returned from a well needed vaction. My wife shows a picture of Gibson's arrest photo from a little over a week ago and begins to fill me in on the Road Warrior's latest stunt.
I do find it comical that Gibson uses his bedroom eyes in his mugshot but not as hilarious as his 'sweet tits' comment to an arresting female officer. Guess blowing a .12 really does impaire one's judgement.

Again, I am a Johnny-come-lately but for the benefit of both my readers please indulge me. I don't want to get into specifics because it really is old news but I do have a few thoughts on the subject.

It just amazes me how the South Park boys really do get it right sometimes. They ran a parody called "Passion of the Jew" in 2004 and reran the episode in true SP tackiness after the news of Gibson's arrest was made public.

Tom Cruise is relievd a Hollywood jackass has taken the spotlight off of his own wierdness.

In Vino Veritas, Mr. Gibson. For those of you a little light on the Latin, it is one of the phrases that you looked up after the scene in Tombstone between Doc Holiday and Johnny Ringo.

Veteran comedian, Bill Cosby, talked of the ills of alcohol when he told of its ability to accentuate your personality.

"But what if you're an asshole?"

If you will forgive my entertainmnet industry quotes in rapid succession, I have another one that the Jew filled industry can provide a parallel to in Gibson's circumstance:

"And let your true colors come shining through" - Cindi Lauper

As drunk as I have been in my 19 years of naval service, bigotry and hate speech were never part of my drunken tirads. My buddies would tell me to shut up if I got out of hand. Interestingly, is the shocking silence of Gibson's Hollywood buddies in the biz. Oh a few have come to his aid and some are crying for his crucifixtion to be sure, but not on the level if, say, he had said something anti-gay or anti-black. Hollywood would have put on the warpaint with Rob "Long Shanks" Schnieder leading the frontal assault.

Oh well, just another chapter in the Hollywood annuls of "Who Gives a Shit" news. I will finish this up with a quote from Susan Estrich of the Sun News:
Will they forgive him? Will they help him?

Why bother? One word. It has nothing to do with sympathy, sickness or anything else of that nature. Money. Greed. Or in polite company, business.

Alcoholism is a disease, but hatred is a curse. Alcoholics deserve help. Haters deserve to be shunned, dropped, dismissed, ties severed. Is there another word?

Why is this so hard in Hollywood? Is it because the competition doesn't have any values either?
That last question just has to be rhetorical.

August 4, 2006

New Chief Petty Officer Selectees Announced

Congratulations on the selectees who made it into the Goat Locker. It is truly the beginning of a new phase of thier naval career.

For those CPO selectee hopefuls, present company included, who did not make it the best advice anyone can give is to "keep trying". Sage advice to be sure, but what of the percentage of board eligible candidates who had their last shot at Chief go whooshing by like the air out of MBT's? I, too, fall into this statistic.

First Class Petty Officers are forced to retire after 20 years. I will go over 19 in a few weeks.

I now have one year to prepare myself for CIVPAC (future retiree talk for 'Civilian Pacific', yes, you can take the man out of the Navy but not the Navy out of the man) and make the transition to move to northern CA. I have taken advantage of Tuition Assistance and MGIB and plowed out degrees, hoping to catch the eye of the board but to also prepare myself for post retirement job hunts.

Although it took me a while, I finally realized what good advice so many Chiefs gave me when they said, "You have to know when to pick your battles." Sometimes fighting command policy just isn't worth jeopardizing your career over. On that note, telling the COB to go crap in a hat probably isn’t good for evals either.

You don’t need a DUI or become a recovering PRT failure to pick up Chief, although sometimes I really do wonder. People love to see a comeback but what of the people who don’t need anything to come back from?

It is more frustrating to see the people who make Chief pass you by who were once your junior. A very good friend of mine made it this year, first time up, and I was his ‘A’ School instructor! I’ll just trick myself and say that it was my expert tutelage that helped him advance. Even more frustrating are the herds of goobers that make Chief, or any other rank for that matter. People that can’t do the basic things required of them on the job somehow manage to make it through their ranks. You have all seen the by products of those Chiefs in the way their divisions operate.

Make no mistake, I am not bitter about being passed over (the military’s phrase that translates to the hip lingo of “You got punk’d”) and I have a very successful career, sans getting promoted to Chief. It makes the vinegar go down a little easier when people tell you your performance has been that of a Chief or even a Senior Chief, but it falls short of actually wearing the uniform.

Perhaps this is vent but I hope that fellow candidates who fall into a similar predicament will realize that life is not over- our career perhaps, but not our lives. We made a difference in someone’s career through our constant training and surgical mentoring. We will finish out our 20 years with our heads held high and continue to check the message boards to see if our shipmates have made the advancement list.

Listen to the Chief’s advice, swallow your pride when you must, never compromise your integrity.

August 1, 2006

YO! MTV Sucks!


Can you believe MTV is 25 years old today? I was 11 when Video Killed the Radio Star was first watched by only a handful of viewers in Jersey, but when I was in high school I remember Madonna and Michael Jackson admonished parents to get MTV to appease their demanding children.

I think my parents still fought off my requests so I had to go to friends' houses to see the first mini-movie with Jackson showing off the moonwalk- and anyone that was able to stand on two feet tried to imitate that dance move. The living room at Paula Hartsfield's house was packed as we watched ghouls chase Jackson's girlfriend for 14 minutes.

Madonna. How many guys wished they were the object of her attention; how many girls dressed like a slut to imitate her? Like a Virgin, Material Girl, and the myriad of bilingual songs with lyrics that foretold the impending immigration problem (and not to mention the fame the sacrilegious name received outside of Sunday Mass), Madonna was one of many on a selective list who slept her way to the top and nobody seemed to care.

Everyone knew who Kurt Loder was and we waited patiently through the 'news', of which we could care less, so that we could get back to videos. Dire Straits use of computer animation in Money For Nothing was not only an inspiration to up-and-coming computer geeks everywhere but also to all the rock star hopefuls hoping to get their "chicks for free".

Martha Quinn's appearance, for me, signified that MTV was starting to do more than just play videos. Although Quinn wasn't hard to look at, with frequent thoughts of being her boy toy, I just wanted to watch videos.

I joined the Navy in 1987 and I remember watching MTV at the Sailor Center (when I would ace one of the many tests we had to take) and the Whitesnake video was always on. Here I Go Again , showing Tawny Kitaen slinking all over 2 Jaguars, made the female deprived sailors in boot camp even more sexually frustrated.

I don't know when it happened but my disinterest in MTV grew in the early 90's to the point where I despised watching the show- probably when the rap scene hit and MTV was shoving this new and obnoxious style of music down viewers' throats. MTV then realized that the younger viewers wanted to see more than videos so a whole slew of non music related shows popped up, each one appealing to a younger and younger crowd as the years passed.

MTV probably won't even mention their birthday today. MTV reminds me of women who always lie about their age, hoping to fool people into believing they are younger than their driver's license says they are. MTV keeps waving it's hand around like a Jedi using the old mind trick, "We are still hip. This the programming you are looking for", but they can't fool me or the people old enough to remember when MTV really was the hippest thing on television.