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August 10, 2006

If Men Ruled The World

OK, we already do but here are some things that would be nice perks.


1. Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward
your call to her real number.

2. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable
response to "I love you."

3. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

4. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game,
she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a
time-out.

5. Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL
team of your choice.

6. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

7. "Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an
acceptable excuse for tardiness.

8. At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out
your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into
your car like Fred Flintstone.

9. It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned
helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.

10. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you
responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast
you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over
the place." Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."

11. Tanks would be far easier to rent.

12. Garbage would take itself out.

13. Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

14. Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your
wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"

15. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only
occur in leap years.

17. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to
go drinking. Mother's Day, too.

18. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it
would be celebrated every month.

19. “COPS” would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to
the pursuing cops. Or to the crooks.

20. The only show opposite “Monday Night Football” would be "Monday
Night Football from a Different Camera Angle".

21. The candle shops in the mall would sell candles that smell like
whiskey and beer.

22. Women would have to obtain a license before wearing spandex or
short shorts (sorta like conceal carry laws).

23. Women suffering from PMS would be required to wear a burka.

24. Gun racks would be standard on all American cars.

25. There would be a device that automatically raised and lowered
toilet seats.

26. 2006 Cloning Act: "Only Jessica Alba may be cloned."

1 comment:

  1. #15 - you may just want to rethink that one :-)

    #24 - I thought they were standard!!

    ReplyDelete