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May 18, 2007

Email spanking

I enjoy a good verbal joust, especially when it is with someone who clearly cannot articulate themselves in a intelligible manor. Here is a short discourse with a young man who sent me an email to my work address who thought I was someone else with the same name. The progression of replies speak for themselves, but I will leave you with the challenge of finding the errors of both judgment and grammar in this young man's replies. There have been at least 5 more replies from him, each more desperate and lame than the previous.

-----Original Message-----
From: Mariano Lorde []
Sent: Sunday, May 13, 2007 12:45
To: TK
Subject: Mariano a.k.a Alesha's X

Not sure if this is the right address man but if it is and ya know me holla back man. Big L is in da buildin! Got into Oahu last night sometime. I'll be workin outya MDSU-1 as a 2C Diver. Not sure if you're still out here but my cell number is 1-850-305-9075. ANd don't trip about it being long distance man just call a brotha back already. I got your number off of NKO so if this isn't Greg SMith, husband of Kira Smith, brother of deranged sister Alesha Smith, Exiled son of SWCC .. lemme know so you don't get any more mail.



-----Original Message-----
From: TK
Sent: Monday, May 14, 2007 8:07
To: 'Mariano Lorde'
Subject: RE: Mariano a.k.a Alesha's X

This is not the person you are thinking of. You might want to rethink sending an illiterate, poorly written email to someone if you are not sure of their identity- especially your cell number and family members.

Thank you for new material for my next blog entry.

-----Original Message-----
From: Mariano Lorde []
Sent: Monday, May 14, 2007 17:46
To: TK
Subject: Thanks.

I appreciate you writing back to inform me of the incorrect address. It is one less individual off of a fairly short list. What were the odds of someone being of the correct rate, stationed in the correct place, and having the correct name?? At any rate, point well taken.

In the future, you should consider the type of reply you deliver back. A short concise "You have the wrong person" would be equally as affective. I do realize that you young, haze grey, "bigger navy" fleet types tend to retain certain parts of the male sexual anatomy within parts of your bodies otherwise used for defacation or communication and consumption, however, try to lighten up and realize that not all letters written MUST be of your obviously white bread suburb vernacular. You will find that there are many people every bit as capable as you are, of articulating with one another at the same caliber and standard at which you "obviously" always hold yourself to. It should be stated though, that some of these individuals do contain the ability "pop their collar" and speak freely as they see fit, actually, providing them with far more versatility than you are capable of. It also enable them to reach a much more diverse and far reaching spectrum of races and cultures.

Now with that B.S over with ... Fucks your prob homes?!

There is no need for further correspondance. You will find it better that this very unnecessary, minor blue on blue altercation end right now, and in this manor.

-----Original Message-----
From: TK
Sent: Wednesday, May 16, 2007 11:18
To: ''
Subject: More correspondence...

There are so many errors in judgment in your last email that it is hard to find a starting point.

"Navy" should be capitalized. It's "effective", "defecation", "bred" (not "bread"), "correspondence", and "manner". Oh, and it's "one MORE individual off of a fairly short list". I had my 4-year old pick up the grammatical errors.

Now, to deconstruct the rest of the email.

First paragraph:
"A short concise "You have the wrong person" would be equally as affective"

That was the very first line of my email.

Second paragraph:
"young, haze grey, "bigger navy" fleet types"

I appreciate the compliment, however I am retiring in 2 months.
The submarine force is not considered 'bigger Navy', comprising less than 1/4 of the fleet. There was no way for you to know that from my email address so I can't ding you on it too hard. Just another poor assumption on your part.

"...tend to retain certain parts of the male sexual anatomy within parts of your bodies otherwise used for defacation or communication and consumption, however, try to lighten up and realize that not all letters written MUST be of your obviously white bread suburb vernacular."

This is just a garrulous, run-on sentence that no doubt gave the real author a heavy workout with a thesaurus. However, this pales in comparison to the racist comment that you so indiscriminately throw out at the end of the sentence. I know you felt backed into a corner after my first email and you felt that you had no alternative than to lash out with this comment, much like Michael Richards did in the comedy club last month. But I have never seen such a cosmic display of ignorance from fellow service member. You sent an unprofessional email and I slammed you on it. Your retort will be the foundation of a life's lesson you will not soon forget.

"Popping the collar" is the mantra of NSTCP, however, it is still wise to use caution when addressing an unknown email recipient. NKO has a great training module on how to construct professional, concise emails. I'm sure you will be adding it to your transcript very soon.

I enjoy a good verbal joust but why must you make race the first and only issue? I can appreciate your last comment, "There is no need for further correspondance.", because I would not want to continue in a battle of wit if I was so unfairly outmatched. I am still puzzled why you think this is a "minor blue on blue altercation", of which I am certain you are familiar with. Good effort with your responses; tragic that the content echoes something I would expect to read on Al Sharpton's website.

Welcome to the Command, though. You are making quite an impression in the short time you have been here. Again, you have given me a wealth of social commentary for my next blog entry.


  1. You are my idol - I am in awe of anyone who has such a command of the English language and can use it so effectively against some 'yo bro' type...

  2. So..."popping the collar" isn't like "spanking the monkey" - ? Sure seems so in his case...

  3. Man, that was great. I have never laughed so hard in my life! That guy needed to be told what you told him. You have some guts, and I applaud you for them. Like it was said before, you are my hero.

  4. Oh by the way, my buddy is in the Navy....he's on the Eisenhower just coming back from the Persian Gulf. He works in the Weapons Department. Actually he just passed his oral exam to get his Air Warfare Specialist Silver Wings. He's excited.

    Not sure what that has to do with anything, but I thought I'd share :)

  5. I can always sympathize with my skimmer counterparts. It isn't an easy job being in the Navy but the carrier guys have it made with amenities. I would love to be able to play World of Warcraft while at sea!

  6. Ha ha ha.....funny. They did have it pretty easy until those stupid Iranians decided to go and hijack that bloody British ship. That put everyone over in that region on high alert. I say nuke em all and be done with it.