Aloha Dump

I can appreciate the Asian tradition of fireworks when it comes to special events like NYE. Hell, even my redneck side appreciates a good M-80 in a frog's ass every now and then but this is getting ridiculous. For 3 days now the kids have been lighting off fireworks, well, not even fireworks just annoyingly loud firecrackers. Nothing to appreciate, just a loud noise and some smoke. The earliest I heard one was this morning at 8:30 but they were going on as late as midnight the last few nights. I can also appreciate the culture of Hawaii but there isn't anything cultural about a bunch of shithead kids lighting off dynamite at the bus stop all day long.

A freak tsunami wipes out over 150k in Asia on Christmas Eve and now 175 people have died in a nightclub fire with more than 400 hurt. Nightclub Safety Tip #14: Leave the backdoor unlocked/unchained when hundreds of people are watching a concert and there exists the possibility that some jackass will ignite a fekkin flare inside the club.

Hilton is the unholy apex of the douchebag persona. South Park "Whore" episode

So Hawaii is in the news again, this time not for Christmas tree gouging, but for not being able to get a hold of anyone in Sri Lanka to let them know a freakin tidal wave was coming. What I find dubious about the article was the mention of "over worked" Hawaii employees in the Tsunami Warning Center. On Christmas day. In the middle of hte night? Don't get me wrong, I feel for the victims in the Indian Ocean and the cleanup efforts will take a long time. However, this state gets its ass kicked when it comes to designing roads and issuing public policies that aren't from the dark ages. Is the Tsunami Warning Service above the "Island Style" attitude? I hope so.

One gossip columnest will no longer cover any Paris Hilton events. I applaud this man and encourage all the other writers and television advertisers who insist on putting this stupid, stuck-up, whore in the forefront of the media. For that matter, stick Snoop Dogg in that category also. Enough already. Cold Turkey: No More Paris for Columnist

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the ability to speak and understand our number system a key factor when hiring someone for a sales position? The mildly unattractive Filipino woman who "helped" me today was really struggling with the price of the laptop I inquired about. This was after she started to walk away after she told me they didn't have any laptops on display. Uhh hello? I'm not done yet. "Do you have any in stock?" "Yes, this way sir." I was directed to a desktop computer that she started to boot up. She must have noticed the "WTF?" look on my face and told me she would be right back with the price. She came back after the bootup and pointed to the image of an HP Desktop. "We only sell refurbished laptops." She started to walk away. "That's fine. How much is this?" "Umm, One hundred.... forty nine..." I'm thinking $149.00 for a laptop?? Hell yeah I want it!...

This skinboarder got some massive air.

My wife was chased down by one of the apartment security guys today like she had just snuck a family of Portugese immigrants into our building. The impending crisis was resolved when my wife took the blank information sheet from the security guard with this note attached: Please leave to security when finished As long as this guy can dial 911 to get the cops here to break up the occassional fist fight, who am I to judge his illiteracy? I'll leave to security and while I'm at it, I get pen to write da kine.

I posted some pictures of the monster surf a few days ago and after a recent visit to the same beach I had to post this shot. Bear in mind that the locals who surf these monster waves were probably born on longboard and only got out of the water long enough to sleep, poop, and smoke some grass. I have seen these guys make the Stations of the Cross motion before going out to surf these waves. Ironically, local surfers were kept at bay from the huge waves after the Triple Crown competition Tuesday. How the heck are these people supposed to learn to ride the big ones when a guy shouting through a bullhorn from a helicopter is telling them to beat it? As I was shooting the skinboarders making use of the unusually large beach breakers, I spotted this guy and his borderline obese wife getting knocked on their asses like Sunday night's Denver Broncos. They did have boogie boards but were fumbling with them like a monkey screwing a football until the lifeguard drove the 50 feet on...

I grew up in the metropolis of Greenbrier, Arkansas and consider the term Redneck to be a term of endearment. I get a lot of ribbing about only having 3 teeth, having sex with my sister, and driving a pickup truck (only the last stereotype is true, though) but there are a lot of other qualities of Rednecks that go unnoticed in most parts of the country. Although Jeff Foxworthy got the jump on the jokes here are some more YMBAR if... It never occurred to you to be offended by the phrase, "One nation, under God. . " You've never protested about seeing the 10 Commandments posted in public places. You still say "Christmas" instead of "Winter Festival." You bow your head when someone prays. You stand and place your hand over your heart when they play the National Anthem. You treat Viet Nam vets with great respect, and always have. You've never burned an American flag. You know what you believe and you aren't afraid to s...

Today the waves were 15-20' on North Shore today so I skipped out of work early to go shoot the surf competition at Waiamea Beach. I always like going to North Shore this time of year. Except for the insane traffic getting up there the trip is definitely worth it. The surf is so strong that there is a constant mist on the north face of the island. All the surfer dudes and chicks were walking on the side of the road in full force and the smell of Coppertone and weed was rampant. Here are a few shots of the competition.

Whenever I hear about the prisoners in Cuba I can't help but to think about the movie A few Good Men . I wonder how Colonel NathanJessep would be handling the Al-queda and Taliban prisoners. My guess is that there would have been a shitload of "Code Reds" by now. It seems the pity party for the prisoners is in full swing again. My personal feelings are that they can all rot in that prison. But until I am made Emperor of the Galaxy (there are a few planets that are holding out on my unanimous decision) the legal process for the prisoners wil continue at the snail's pace. Prisoners of war, torture, Red Cross investigations, etc. are covered rather nicely in this article by Ted Lepkin . "I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said "thank you," and went on your way. Othe...

So I was running ate thismorning and I really needed some coffee from McPuke's. By the way, after watching Suprsize me about 4 months ago this is the only thing I will consume from the golden arches. The drive thru line is about 10 deep and I start to get pissed but I notice there is only one person in line inside. I park my truck and am in and out in less than 2 minutes. The line has barely moved. I saw people looking inside at the empty counter from the drive thru line but they stayed in line. Do they have time to kill or are they just too lazy to get out and order inside? Did they even notice the empty counters inside at all? Maybe they were just listening to the radio about Scott Peterson getting the death penalty as reported for the millionth time and are still on the high that the asshole is finally going to die for killing his pregnant wife. Personally, I think he should have gotten a life sentance. The same guy that sodomized and killed Jeffery Dahlmer would have g...

So the saga of my kidney stone continues for the people who just can't get enough of my medical problems. The urologist has told me to piss in this conspicuously orange bottle for 24 hours starting on Sunday so that I can return the bottle to him on Monday morning. I sincerely hope he has no expectations for a full bottle. I read the directions on this bottle and I noticed this model has a preservative agent in it. I guess rotten piss just can't be as useful as a fresh batch. I am supposed to keep the bottle chilled while there is piss in it like some kind of freaky cocktail. Maybe there is room on the bottom shelf of my fridge.

So I am at my sister's house last week in AR and my 5 year old nephew was starting to piss me off with his going on 35 minute dump. It was getting close to departure time for everyone to go see the Spongebob Squarepants movie and I was almost done psyching myself up to spend the next 2 hours with 4 young boys who like to engage in tomfoolery as often as they can get away with. My nephew was still in the bathroom when zero hour came so I checked to see if there was another showing and thankfully, there was. My oldest nephew Jake informed me that it took his brother an hour sometimes to complete a bowel movement and then my wife reminded me of a conversation my sister had with her about some meds Alex had to take soften his pooh. Poor kid, people usually have to wait until they are in their 60's to contend with this pain in the ass, no pun intended. So, an hour went by and Alex came to me as I was watching my kids fight over who was going to play the Gamecube next. He led ...

You know, there are some things in life that we joke about because they are a part of our culture. When one speaks of coat hangers there is the timeless sick joke of the cheap abortion tool but the one I have always liked is the hanger used to chum up a clogged toilet. Irony has a way of edging itself into our daily lives and 10 minutes ago I was reminded of that truth. My 5-year old nephew has always had trouble taking a dump and after actually seeing one of his unholy creations I now know why. In a sweet and innocent voice he asked me, Uncle Greg, to come look in the bathroom. Since he spent over an hour pushing a turd out I figured that the toilet was clogged. That was an understatement. I looked in the bowl and this behemoth of a turd was lodged halfway down the pipe. Two flushed could not loosen it up so I had to resort to the only trick I knew, short of a plunger, to dislodge the beast- the coat hanger trick. I straightened one of my sisters unused hangers out and pro...

Yes, L.L. has inspired me. After a 5 hour flight to L.A. from Honolulu and then an 11 hour drive to Sacramento I am about strolled out. I thought I would do a down and dirty post so both my readers would have something to sustain themselves till I get back. Nothing much to say now because the triptopan is kicking in. I leave you with a sunset shot of the Golden Gate.

Fantastic article; I could not have said it better myslef. It makes me feel good when I read someone's blog and they have written, almost ver batim, something that I have said or written myself. http://www.americanthinker.com/articles.php?article_id=4007

After reading over my site I have come to the conclusion that I am extremely long winded. I mean, even I get bored reading my own posts after a while so I can imagine how long readers stay on my blog. I will make an early New Years resolution to make my posts shorter so it is less tiring on both my readers. So, in honor of this new resolution I will post a shot that had me rolling on the floor. This fisherman gets inked by a squid as it is pulled out of the water. Classic.

Say it isn't so! Although I enjoy seeing Iraqi insurgents get their heads blown off I have to object to NBC's airing of this incident. I don not object out of supressing free speech but at the aftermath from the Muslim community that followed the airing. Although I believe this Marine was is the right some Muslims are now harboring some (more?) anit-American sentiment. The Iraqi was killed inside a mosque, a Muslim holy place, after he was shooting at our forces. Where is the anti-insurgent outrage from the Muslim community when these holy places are used as chicken shit hideouts for the Muslim extremists? Did NBC even think about the recoil from this airing or was it perceived as just another nail in the coffin of the Bush Administration's decision to invade this despoticly ruled country? I am beginning to wonder if the cronyism in the media is catching up to Saddam's level? If you would like to read about the invasion from the camera man who shot the foot...

For all my friends on SWG whom I play with (too much as far as my wife is concerned!) here is the site about my character. To those of you who have no clue as to what I am talking about let me fill you in as much as you care to be. Star Wars Galaxies (SWG) is referred to as a Massive Multi Online Player Game, or MMOPG. What does this mean? It means that this is't some solitaire game that can be played and paused at will. There is no PAUSE button on SWG and most of the "people" walking around oin the game are actual people somehwere in the world playing the same game you are. The are non-player characters (NPC) that do add to the atmosphere of the game and some can be attacked and some can't. This will not be a technical breakdown of the game as most people who do not play won't give a crap. The people that do play don't want to read about it either. So here are the cold hard facts about my character, Smitser. Faction: Rebel Current Profession: Master Doctor, T...

So, let me rehash the things that absolutely and consistently kick people's asses out here in Hawaii: 1) Driving. For a state with so much "aloha" you would never know it when driving on the streets and highways. This item can take up much space on a blog and deserves its own post. 2) Talking intelligently. Not all people talk like unintelligable simeans but I do refer you to my post concerning pidgen speak. 3) Planning. See my post of just one example this state government failed to plan and planned to fail on- the 5 cent deposit. 4) Wind. Yes wind. The last 3 days the winds have reached 30+ mph here on Ala Ilima St. Last night on the news I watched repairmen frantically trying to fix downed power lines. Power lines collapsed not only because of the strong winds but also because of the debris that fell on them. Looking at some of the lines it is obvious why they failed. They are surrounded and sometimes even run through huge trees. One of the guys int...

I just want to send a shout out to my blog readers (both of them) and apologize for the lack of posting in recent weeks. I have been involved with some non-political endeavors, of which I enjoy immensely, and haven’t had much time to the research needed to prepare an intelligent political commentary. I hate doing political commentary and I am in no way qualified to make such posts. “Commentary” is probably a misnomer. “Blunt opinionated rants” is probably more accurate. I have gotten some attention from a fellow blogger in NYC. I have mentioned Andy before and we enjoy an online friendship based on opposing ideas and complimentary interests. As much as I hate attention from people (cue wife rolling her eyes) I have been a celebrity of sorts on Andy’s blog. Except for our political views we get along nicely and even though the posts get a little heightened sometimes it is only because we both strongly feel our political ideals are better for ourselves and possible for the count...

Every month or so I take the family down to Waikiki and we just people watch. The leviathon of tourism commerce is always around us as we walk down Kalakaua Ave. and the street is bustling on both sides with scurrying locals and tourists alike. The air smells of sun screen, perfume, ocean spray, restaurant food, and chlorine (there are tons of fountains in Waikiki). There is also the occasional stench that invokes a memory of walking down the streets of Pusan, Korea. Those are few, however, and always offend my olfactory when we pass an alley next to a big hotel. Waikiki is a great place in moderation but it lost its luster 10 years ago for me. It is crowded like any other big city and has the same problems big cities have. Although there are few cities in the U.S. where surfers walk around barefoot with their boards wearing the absolute minimum apparel enabling them to enter an ABC store for food and drink. Although Waikiki Beach is one of the most famous in the world it is, in ...

So, Hawaii finally figured out that by charging and reimbursing consumers a nickel for every can bought would help reduce refuse in the landfills. Welcome to the '70's, Hawaii. For an island state I would think this should have been figured out a long time ago. I wasn’t even aware of this new deposit program until today when a friend of mine brought it up while talking about other political agendas. My wife knew about it only because she happened to read a little white card at the checkout counter explaining the 5-cent charge on selected cans and bottles. What I find appalling is that the redemption centers aren’t even scheduled to go into effect until January 1, 2005. I’ll touch more on this later. On October 31, 2004 the Honolulu Advertiser had a story about the new Deposit Beverage Container Program. I found several statements in the article of noteworthy mention. "No matter how you do it, there's going to be issues at first," said Jeff Mikuli...

So for all of you interested in my kidney stones (see earlier post for pictures) I have a final update. This morning I passed the fourth one and although it was only 1/5 of the size of the behemoth I passed the other day my urethra still sent a clear message that it was not happy about it. I am all pooped out on politics and I hope it will a long time before I post another commentary. It is just such a chore to talk about someting that is heartfelt and strongly defended by both sides. It is hard to change a mentality when both sides truly believe they are right. It very tiring on the mind to be sure. I was watching Jon Stewart tonight and, unlike most people, not to gain any insight into a relevant topic of choice. I view that show as entertainment only but I have read many blogs that herald the political insight of that show. People, that is like me watching the Teletubbies to gain insight into art of special effects. One thing that Stewart said, that probably made the libera...

That is an understatement. I am talking of course about my kidney stone I passed with my morning piss although the same type of relief was also felt when my wife came in this morning and woke me up with “Kerry 252; Bush 274”. I listened to the talk radio this morning and the Conservative speakers were very humble and not gloating that Bush did win. I wonder if Kerry supporters would have reciprocated. There is something to this win far more important than just “My guy won. Hooray!” It falls into a much deeper category than the same feeling one gets when their team wins the Super Bowl. The American people sent a clear message to the Democrats and the leftists out there: We don’t like your ideas. Although your liberal mentality may have a hold on the media and movie stars it is not as popular as you would have us think. I thank the leftist judges in Massachusetts, Kerry’s home state, who ruled against the teachers who were sued because their students thanked God for their teachers...

After all, Clinton had good intentions, right? So I just watched my wife go into the polls and cast her vote; something I have not been able to do in person for the last 4 presidential elections. As a resident of Florida, yes, I know, I have only been able to do absentee ballots. I have no idea where my ballot ended up and I don’t think I want to. It was inspiring to see people actually making a line at the Aliamanu Middle School to vote since only 39% of the registered voters even bothered to get their asses out and vote for the Primary this year. Less than 22% of voters between 22 and 30 even bothered to vote in that same election. Source Sad, sad, state of affairs for this island state. It truly is the minority that picks the leaders of Hawaii. I call it apathy, some call it laziness, but whatever the reason Hawaii just doesn’t get out to vote. It is a Democrat state for the most part even though last election Linda Lingle (Rep) won the race for Governor. I guess even th...

So the Civil Disaster alarm is going off and I just got back from the bathroom. Kidney Stone update: still in there. I am getting really tired of urinating through a funnel with a screen on the bottom of it. This last trip was especially fun since my 18 month old decided to bring his half-eaten PB&J sandwich into the bathroom and sit on the rug in front of me. This is not really a picnic event but he was intent on staying. I wonder how warped he will be thinking that this is a normal way to relieve oneself. A few nights ago the stone decided to wake me up because it was lonely down there in my ureter all by itself. The accompanying UTI was all I could take so I was pacing in the living room in a cold sweat when I heard a diesel engine running outside my lanai door. It was 1:09 a.m. and a tow truck had a white car jacked up and the driver was putting the last minute touches on the hitch. This is impressive to me because it didn’t take him long to get this done since all cars m...

Why don't kids say that as a question instead of just a statement? I think we should give kids more tricks. It helps prepare them for life in that there are assholes out there who aren't always nice. Well, so many things have happened since my last post and I don’t know where to start. Tonight will be a short entry because my kidney stone is giving me some serious problems tonight. I wish this thing would just pass through already. After my CT, the doc said it was about 5mm in diameter. That’s bigger than it sounds, trust me. I think I might have to have an OB/GYN help me pass it. So all the freaks are out tonight and they blend in nicely with all the trick or treaters. My main bitch tonight is the Halloween policy of the complex I live in- absolutely no trick or treating in the complex. Now I am sure the board consists of a bunch of old farts who stay in their apartments all day just trying to find something to bitch about but really, why this rule? It could be handled i...

Not everything that happens on my street is a bad thing. About a month ago I heard the unmistakable noise of a high school marching band coming down the street. I grabbed my camera and started rolling tape. The parade consisted of local school children screaming, cars honking their horns, and the band playing a couple of songs. You can see the band and hear only the percussion for the first bit until they get by my place then started playing. The flag girls started doing their thing and the cheerleaders were trying to drum u p some cheers form the onlookers. Of course no school parade would be complete without the future-hoochies-to-be, the homecoming queens. Of course I use “hoochie” as a term of endearment. Now this “parade” was pretty lame as far as parades go but I thought it was cool the kids got out and showed some school spirit. I always get a kick out of watching kids because you can tell by their personality and actions what kind of adults they will be. Now, that is a ve...

Full Moon Madness (Also, a lunar eclipse night. Coincidence? I think not.) So it was about 8:00 p.m. last night when I heard the unmistakable sound of metal hitting metal. For the second time in 10 days a motorcycle collided with a car. After talking to an eyewitness (literally, she was 10 feet away when it happened) the motorcycle was coming down Ala Ilima when a car pulled out into the intersection from the adjacent street Ala Nanala. The bike was facing the other way when I got to my lanai and the driver of the white car had made a 180 degree turn and parked on the adjacent street. It was amazing how many people showed up with cell phones and how some bystanders finally realized their life long dreams of becoming a traffic cop. They wasted no time in directing vehicles around the debris from the accident. The rider got up after a few minutes of laying on the ground and sat on the curb until the fire department, police, and ambulance showed up (in that order). It took ...

I have been entertaining my parents who flew in from the mainland and I have been extremely busy playing tour guide. I took them to the Big Island for a day trip in hopes to see the lava flow I photographed in July. Note to self: Check with the Volcanoes National Park website to find out if the lava is flowing at the last place you saw it 3 months earlier. That would have saved us a trip to the trail. Madam Pele (the Hawaiian goddess of fire) is very unpredictable. Since I arrived on this island 13 years ago I have heard of superstitions that range from believable (if I had enough shots of Jack Daniels) to downright stupid. AAMOF, at dinner with my parents the day before we left for the Big Island a waitress cautioned my mother against taking some of the sand from Black Sand Beach home with her. The bad luck that would accompany my mother sounded more like factual consequence than a “step-on-a-crack-break-your-mother’s-back” nursery rhyme. I rolled my eyes. In fact, at Volcanoe...

Conversational Pidgin. That’s the main page of a website I found to help me write this next piece. As a resident of Hawaii for over 12 years now I still have not succumbed to the temptation of speaking the local ghetto talk known as Hawaiian pidgin. Although pidgin is an official language of some third world South Pacific islands, Hawaii locals have embraced it as a kind of Ebonics-like language. Unintelligible to most, pidgin is actually a complicated language to learn, if you ever feel the need to dumb down your vocabulary, because you have to take words you are familiar with and bastardize them to gibberish. Of course people who grow up here in Hawaii who speak it everyday may not even bother to learn proper grammar because pidgin is such a widely accepted “language”. Click here to read and hear Hawaiian pidgin It is hard for most people to resist the urge to pick up even a little of the pidgin talk with the most likely phrase to be used “da kine”. This 2-syllable gibberi...

Someone wrote a song "The Freaks Come Out at Night" and I only wish that were true. I am privy to many a freak on Ala Ilima St. most of which do come out at night. There are the rare instances when I do get a glimpse of the freaks on my street long enough to film. The first video is narrated and is about 8 minutes long. The star of the film is a crazy guy but from the looks of his appearance is not homeless. I could get some killer video on Fort Street Mall of some homeless people that would knock your socks off, one of which is the guy with 5 inch toenails. For now I will constrain myself to the people in view from my lanai (Hawaiian word for balcony). Crazy Guy woke me up one Sunday morning about 7:30 cussing and yelling. I went out to see the commotion and saw this guy going off but to my suprise nobody was around. Crazy Guy talking to himself; it was a Kodak moment waiting to happen. He went on for almost an hour and during that time was visited twice by the cops, hit ...

Justice Served I have decided to open this site with just a few comments on why I took the time to devote a site to the land of Aloha, specifically, where I live. This isn't a political overview or cultural analysis; it is simply a vent fueled by the ridiculousness and stupidity of the people where I live. Now this is not an anti-"whatever" site. If I lived in Roosterpoot, Arkansas and had neighbors that pissed me off then I would create a site. It just so happens I live in Hawaii and there are people here that piss me off and it is these people who will be showcased on my site. So where do I start? How about on a little street in Honolulu called Ala Ilima. I live in one of the many apartment buildings on this street that is affectionately known as concrete alley. I live in a gated community with a nice parking garage, a pool, and lush landscaping. However this little nook is not without its stupidity, but I will address that in later posts I'm sure. So the debut o...

I'm sorry officer, I won't do it again...

Was I speeding officer?

Writing the ticket